All You Need To Create Profoundly Satisfying, Fully Authentic, Fiercely Committed Love

There is nothing better than falling in love.

The rush of romance. The feeling that you finally met your perfect match, and now that you’ve found “IT,” your work is done.

Dr. Randi Gunther

Clinical psychologist and marriage counselor for over 40 years

But fast forward a couple of years and suddenly all those little habits you once were able to overlook have gotten really irritating.

And all the concerns you thought were going to “change” or “get better” … well, they haven’t improved at all.

He hasn’t gotten more ambitious like he promised. She hasn’t wanted to have sex as often as she did before. You aren’t biting your tongue like you did in the beginning.

Her shopping habit isn’t cute anymore. His constant sporting event Sundays are really boring. You aren’t laughing together like you used to.

Things have gotten harder. Annoying. Trying. NOT fun and easy. Boring, even.

What happened to that feeling? Why did it change?

Is it you? Is it them? Is love just impossible?

Is love only good in the beginning, and then just held together through obligation or convenience… or fear of loneliness?

50% Of Marriages End In Divorce. Why Is It So Hard To Stay In Love?

For 40 years, thousands of heartbroken singles and struggling couples have sat in my office, all asking me the same question:

“Why do my relationships keep failing? Is it really possible to have lasting love? What am I doing wrong?”

Year after year, decade after decade, society changes, but love problems stay the same:

Lust fades. Love gets more difficult. People don’t know what to do, and give up.

Intimate partners who were once madly in love descend into a boring, uninspiring union. People cheat. Someone leaves. The fire once lit by passion now burns with anger and hurt.

Problems like these have produced a divorce rate that fluctuates between forty and fifty percent in the US, depending on the statistic sampled. The couples who make it to thirty-five years drop to one in five, and by fifty years only one in twenty.

And those statistics don't measure the satisfaction of those couples that do stay together.

Most people try long-term coupling again, and those numbers appear even more discouraging. Second and third marriages succeed even less often, with some reports as high as seventy-percent failures.

Why is this happening? And, more importantly, how can we change it?

“Meant To Be” Is A Very Dangerous Phrase

The early rush of love is the sweetest of experiences. When we find it, the joy we feel convinces us that we will be happy forever. We can’t possibly imagine that our “soul mate” will ever disappoint us, and we do whatever it takes to preserve those glorious, excited feelings.

But in our effort to “make all the good feelings last,” we end up taking the very actions that guarantee love will end:

• We try to be the “Facebook” version of ourselves all the time, so the person will fall madly in love with us
• We hide our deepest secrets so we won’t scare the other person away
• We aren’t upfront about what we need or require from our partners, so we don’t appear high maintenance or unattractive
• We bite our tongues and don’t speak up when something upsets us

Because the person we are dating is so wonderful, the discovery so exciting, and the joy of feeling known and knowing so powerful, we ignore all the potential problems instead of dealing with them.

We are confident that these problems are no big deal. After all, our love is “meant to be,” and the person we are with is so amazing that we don’t want to “rock the boat” in any way.

But all these little “white lies” or “bit tongues” or “small problems” will eventually become bigger and more hurtful when you are no longer in la-la-lust land.

And all the truths you didn’t tell will hurt a lot more later.

All the habits you thought you could deal with when you had stars in your eyes will become virtually unbearable.

And you won’t be able to be the “Facebook you” any longer. It’s too exhausting.

All the things you didn’t bring up before will have become the norm, so you’ll feel like it’s too late to say anything now. Or you’ll just explode from pent up frustration.

In other words:

You Didn’t Do All The Things You Needed To At The Beginning To Create A Good Foundation, So Your Relationship Will Crumble Like A House Of Cards

I know that sounds dire. But after 40 years and 100,000 hours counseling heartbroken individuals and couples, it would feel dire to you too.

I’m not here to tell you what you want to hear, or what would make you feel better in the moment.

I’m here to tell you what you NEED to hear. To help you change. To help you take action and learn a new, better way to approach love.

Romantic comedies, happily ever afters, “meant to bes,” “soul mate” – none of this prepares us for real, lasting love.

They just set us up for disappointment, condition us to create bad habits in the critical first years, and prevent us from learning the skills that not only make love last, but allow us to transform into the best people we can be.

To Create Love That Endures, We Need to Be Heroic

It’s understandable that we want to believe in the romantic comedy version of love. It’s what we know, and it’s euphoric for as long as it lasts.

But here’s the good news: heroic love is better.

Heroic love lasts. It’s built on a sturdy foundation and only gets stronger as the relationship continues.

It doesn’t ask you to be fake. In fact, it demands the opposite.

It’s never boring. You experience the exciting joy of constant discovery and transformation, all in the presence of your most beloved.

You get to be who you are, share your truth, and live to your fullest potential.

It’s the sweetest romance there is.

That’s because nothing we take for granted can be treasured.

Nothing that keeps us stagnant can ignite our imaginations.

When we approach our relationship like heroes, we dare to be authentic. We commit fiercely to our relationship and our transformation. We create a love that is more profound, more soul-satisfying, than we ever imagined.

What 100,000 Hours Providing Therapy Revealed About Lasting Love

When people come to see me, filled with despair and yearning for something better, I teach them how to create heroic love: from what it takes to create a foundation that’s built to last, to how to repair a relationship that’s already crumbling.

Person after person, couple after couple – all ages, all genders, all types – have made massive breakthroughs before my eyes. To say that this job has given my life meaning is an understatement.

As I grew older, it became increasingly important to me to write a book that could help a much larger audience. That’s why I created Heroic Love: to help couples and singles get the benefits of being in therapy with me, for a fraction of the cost and time.

Heroic Love is my life’s work. It’s the culmination of 4 degrees, thousands of patients, two counseling licenses, and over 40 years working with men and women who want something more from their love lives.

It is a new path to love, one that exposes you to the distorted lens most of us have been looking through, and shows you the truth about what it takes to make a relationship work.

All of the barriers to true and lasting love can be conquered. But very few heroes complete their quest without a good map, preparation and supplies.

That’s where this book comes in: to give you the foundation and skills you need to create a deeply-fulfilling relationship while achieving your highest potential as an individual and a team.

To do this, you need to know how to transform areas of conflict to opportunities for intimacy… how to truthfully present who you are to your partner, and explore your relationship like an uncharted kingdom.

You need to know how to create the right foundation for lasting love, and take advantage of the critical early years to build tools for regeneration, continued inspiration, and authentic connection.

And you need to understand how to the be the kind of partner that no man or woman could dream of leaving. (This is one of the most crucial things I want to teach you – and one of the biggest causes for conflict and heartbreak that I encounter).

This book will teach you all the skills you need to find the right person, build a quality relationship, stay aware of warning signs of deterioration, fight to keep it alive, and triumph over statistics that predict doom, including:

It’ll all possible with my Heroic Love program, which contains:

A 126-page eBook version you can start reading immediately that reveals the 5 keys to creating a Heroic Love. You’ll learn how to share your authentic truth, be more in tune with your partner, communicate effectively, and revitalize your relationship from the inside-out.

An audio version of the book which you can take with you on the go, or listen in the privacy and comfort of your home, alone or with your partner.

• The 4 major potential relationship pitfalls and how to avoid them (they don’t include cheating or lying – rather slow-building but toxic contamination)
• The key to successful relationship communication – you’ll understand your partner (and be understood) like never before
• My 6-step plan for resolving relationship problems – and how to prevent arguments from escalating out of control
• The 3 words you never want to say in an argument (they cause scars and erode the love you share)
• How to zero in on the right partner for you so you maximize your chances for lasting love – including the 5 important questions you should ask a new partner to help you gauge whether he is emotionally ready for a relationship
• How to build the right relationship foundation from the start, so that you both keep your relationship alive with discovery and passion
• The common mistakes couples make that cause them to feel boredom and dissatisfaction in their relationship
• Discovering and using your “Sweet Spots” – my recipe for relationship regeneration that taps into the core of what makes your relationship unique
• Sample dialogues and powerful exercises so you can see what other couples have done and practice the techniques in your own relationship
• How to heal from a relationship breakdown and work together to make your bond stronger
• The common ways couples unintentionally sabotage intimacy and connection – and how to manage your issues before they get out of control
• How to make sure you’re being truly authentic about your needs, your wants, and your history - even when it feels scary
• When to approach your partner with a difficult topic (timing really is everything) and how to talk to your partner so he won’t get defensive
• 7 important questions you can ask yourself the next time you have a delicate matter to bring up with your partner
• The 3 questions that determine how committed you and your partner are to your relationship
• Why breaking up could be the biggest mistake you make – you could be throwing away a relationship that has the power to bring you to your deepest levels of growth

Chapter 1

The Problem With “Romantic Love”—And Why Promising Relationships Fail

• The surprising reason why couples begin to bicker and lose the wonderful excitement of initial love, and how to stop your relationship from gaining dispassionate indifference over time
• Did you choose the wrong partner, or can you rekindle your relationship to be as good as you once had hoped? How your mindset can make all the difference in the resilience and vitality of your relationship

Chapter 2

Embracing a Love That Transforms and Endures

• What a freedom-based, evolving relationship looks like, and how it can help you overcome boredom and stagnation in your love
• The 5 core values that can guide you toward a soul-satisfying love

Chapter 3

Share Who You Are Authentically to Zero in on the Right Partner

• Learn how to better understand yourself and why you love the way you do, so that you can transform your conventional love into heroic love
• An exercise that will help you teach your partner how to connect with you better, while at the same time will help you understand your own motivations within your relationship

Chapter 4

The Law of No Negative Surprises

• A counter-intuitive way of building resilience within your relationship early on, so that you know whether your love can stand the test of time, where the weak spots are, and how to address them
• How to avoid “losing yourself” in love by embracing your authenticity and truth
• What to reveal to your partner and what you have the right to keep private

Chapter 5

How Trust Is Won—And Lost

• The kind of promises or agreements that, if broken numerous times, can eventually become deal breakers in even quality relationships
• The 2 ways intimate partners most commonly break promises (and how to avoid it) and the 4 rules of relationship honesty that increase your chances of creating a happy, lasting relationship

Chapter 6

Excavating Your Partner’s Experience

• How to become a relationship “anthropologist” and learn to truly listen to your partner in order to create an environment where both of you feel safe to express your individual needs
• An exercise that will help you get into the mind of your partner, so you can recognize underlying issues that could be the real drivers of potential conflict

Chapter 7

Your Partner, Your Mirror

• Explore what your partner reflects about you and how you can help them truly hear you, so you can work together to break long-standing patterns, create growth, and enjoy deeper intimacy
• How to “lean into” critique in order to transform the unspoken conflict in your relationship into greater intimacy

Chapter 8

Common Communication Blockers and How to Avoid Them

• The 3 types of communication blockers that keep couples from connecting and thwart personal transformation, and how to avoid them
• How to avoid using words that devalue your partner’s sense of worth, or using phrases that wound your partner’s feelings

Chapter 9

Defensive Reactions: Our Secret Buttons

• The 3 most common ways partners become defensive with each other, how you can be triggering a defensive response in your partner, and strategies for keeping defensiveness at bay
• How to ask questions that do not solicit defensive responses

Chapter 10

Using Conflict as a Springboard for Deeper Intimacy

• A step-by-step approach to conflict resolution where the goal is a win-win for you and your partner
• The tenets to great, authentic communication that generates profound kindness and respect

Chapter 11

Your Sweet Spots: Where Your Relationship Blooms

• How to cultivate the “healing places” in your relationship, so that no matter what is happening, you always have a sacred place to go for comfort together

Chapter 12

Potential Relationship Pitfalls and How to Avoid Them

• The 4 areas of possible, slow-building contamination for a relationship and how to avoid them
• The common habits that cause toxic buildup in a relationship
• What to do when “little behaviors” activate deeper issues and cause unnecessary conflict
• The 4 phases of sexual interaction and why some couples feel incomplete with lovemaking

Chapter 13

Recommitment: The Rock of Your Relationship

• The 6 steps to take immediately when you know your relationship is in trouble
• Three powerful questions that will test your convictions and the sincerity of your commitment to making your relationship as good as it can possibly be

Chapter 14

Can People Really Change?

• How to differentiate between traits you were born with, how they were modified by your life experiences, and the patterns of behavior you have acquired from prior relationships
• How to use your mind to teach your brain to react differently (neuroplasticity)

Chapter 15

Heroic Couples and Their Stories

• The case studies of two couples who have successfully fought for heroic love, and ultimately created a deeper, more nurturing connection with each other

FREE BONUS: Get Two FREE Transformational Interviews!

Our gift to you: a free month of our Transformational Interview Series, where you’ll learn skills and strategies to radically improve all your relationships. You’ll meet a new expert every month, sharing powerful skills and breakthroughs on relationship topics that matter: resolving conflict, setting boundaries, increasing intimacy, practicing genuine self-love… and much, much more.

In addition to monthly eye-opening interviews, we’ve got loads of surprises and bonus content to sweeten the deal (including these three gems in your first free month!)

If you love the program, do nothing. Every month you’ll receive another empowering interview for $19.97/mo. If you don’t want to receive any more interviews or bonus surprises, simply cancel (don’t worry – it’s super easy to do). You won’t pay a thing, and you’ll keep all the free interviews and bonuses, too.

Place your order and be reading or listening to Heroic Love in a matter of minutes. Take a full 7 days to examine the materials, try the techniques and try out what works for you or your partner. See for yourself how much these foundational skills can transform your relationship, bring you closer to your partner, and help you create the kind of heroic love you’ve always wanted.

If, at the end of the 7 days, you decide this isn’t the right solution for you, simply let me know and I’ll refund your investment in FULL, no questions, no hassle. This is my promise: You’ll find outstanding value from this program after putting it into practice for a full week or pay nothing!

My Risk-Free Promise

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I believe in the core of my being that nothing is better or more rewarding than love. Yet again and again I see promising couples who once loved each other throw it away at the earliest sign of struggle.

Heroes don’t run for cover when things get tough. They square their shoulders, grab their swords, and ferociously fight for the things they love.

The things in our lives that we have really wanted, worked hard for, and finally attained are the most precious.

This book is what you need to get the sweetest of rewards: love that constantly blooms, connection that continually surprises, and a partner fighting all of life’s demons at your side.

xoxo,
Dr. Randi