by Randi Gunther
If you’re single and dating, you’re in a frustrating paradox.
All you want is ONE person to spend your life with. Pretty simple, right?
You’re just asking for ONE. Really, that’s all you want. Not too much to ask for. And yet finding that one seems to be so complicated!
If you had it your way, you’d probably want to bump into your ONE on a random day while you’re going about your business. The two of you would meet, and bam, no more dating.
But oh, how cruel dating can be.
You never meet your ONE when you’re out and about, even though you have a lot of friends, you get “out there,” and you’ve been involved in different activities, hobbies, or sports.
What’s even more discouraging is that you often THINK you’ve met someone special—you’ll click with someone, maybe you’ll even plan a date, maybe you’ll even start SEEING each other.
But, inevitably, things fall flat. The “connection” you thought you’d finally found was gone. Or YOU still felt it for the other person, but they flaked out.
All of this leads you to a devastating conclusion:
It’s really HARD finding a good partner.
Or worse:
There’s NOBODY out there for me.
The Scarcity Mentality That Leads To Bad Choices
When your dating experiences are telling you that there are slim pickings and you have better chances at hitting the Powerball than finding your mate, you go into scarcity mentality.
Scarcity mentality is what happens when a big storm is threatening to hit—you buy as many supplies as you can and hunker down.
In dating, this works against you. When you think the supply of good people is low and there may be none left for you, you tend to make bad choices:
Firstly, you’ll make it a numbers game. You’ll try to round up as many dates as you possibly can. You might tell yourself that you’re “keeping your options open,” but the truth is that NOT screening properly and being picky will most likely lead you into the wrong relationship.
Because your heart is involved (unlike the practical considerations of shopping for enough food and water), you’ll overlook red flags and fall for somebody inappropriate simply because of initial chemistry, or just because they’re “there,” they seem interested in you, and happen to be available.
Fast-forward a few weeks, months, or even years—and you realize you made a poor choice, and you’ve now wasted precious time you’ll never get back.
Keeping Quiet Keeps You Single
Another major pitfall of scarcity mentality is that you’ll tend to suppress what you really want and need in a relationship because you’re afraid of turning your date off.
How many times have you not spoken up when your date said or did something you didn’t feel comfortable with?
How often have you glossed over what you really want in a relationship because you were afraid the other person wouldn’t be into it? And how often have you pretended to want what your date wants so as not to rock the boat?
When you don’t present an authentic picture of who you are and what you want—including what you’re not willing to tolerate—you set up a “relationship” based on pure fantasy. You miss out on the chance for REAL connection, and whatever “spark” you do feel isn’t real—and likely won’t last.
Sooner or later, you won’t be able to keep quiet about your feelings, and then the person you’re dating will feel like they were sold a false bill of goods.
What’s more, you’re preventing someone from truly loving you, because the only way someone can love you for all that you are is to EXPERIENCE all that you are.
To Gain It ALL, You Have To Be Willing To Lose A Few
Don’t feel bad if you can relate to what I’ve been talking about. The wonderful single patients I’ve had over the years— men and women—have all fallen prone to not being picky enough and not being completely honest about themselves.
In fact, this is such a common occurrence that I developed a dating method that specifically addresses these issues—and helps people find their ONE much faster than they ever thought possible.
When my patients first heard about my method, they were skeptical. Because my approach requires you to go on FEWER dates and say and do things you previously would never have dreamed of.
They didn’t think it could work. How could ELIMINATING people from the beginning actually bring them closer to their one true love? Wouldn’t they be foolishly cutting off the possibility for love to bloom unexpectedly?
It runs counter to the advice that so many singles hear these days, about forcing oneself to go on dozens of first dates to “increase your chances of success.”
Unfortunately, it may seem like it could work, but it doesn’t. Here’s an analogy that demonstrates why:
Imagine yourself applying to dozens of administrative and sales jobs when your skillset and experience is in marketing.
What will happen? You’ll just get dozens of rejection letters and a whole lot of frustration.
You might get an interview or two—if the employer is desperate and the field of viable candidates is very low.
Now, imagine sending out resumés to ONLY those positions that require the specific skills and talents you already possess. Your success rate would skyrocket, and your frustration level would plummet.
In much the same way, being able to pinpoint YOUR strengths and know what kind of partner would be right for you BEFORE you even meet someone, is akin to a job search. The more prepared you are, the better you know yourself and what you want, the easier and quicker it’s going to go.
Even if you only send out one single resumé. If it’s the perfect fit, does it matter how many other job openings there are out there?
That’s how dating LESS and being MORE picky can actually yield better results, faster.
Is Honesty Really The Best Policy When It Comes To The First Few Dates?
And what about being completely upfront about yourself and what you want when you first start seeing someone?
Isn’t it better to not be TOO honest, or say too much, because your date may get the wrong idea?
Don’t you need to hold back, be “open-minded” and be nice?
Many of my single patients were afraid of LOSING dates—of being rejected.
But what they realized is that being “rejected” by some was actually a GOOD thing—because this perceived rejection early on was coming from partners who were never going to be their happily-ever-after.
Yes, rejection isn’t fun. It hurts when someone tells you they aren’t attracted to you, or that they can only ever see you as a friend, and nothing more. Or when they break up with you because they can’t see themselves ever being happy with you.
But why would you ever want to be with someone whose values are so different than yours, or who doesn’t feel passionate about you?
You wouldn’t, of course.
In reality, you wouldn’t really want that person as a partner. It’s not that you’re afraid of losing them, you’re just fearing the pain of the rejection.
That’s why it’s better not to hold back. Be honest. Let your date know what you want.
Yes, you may be rejected, but that’s so much better than suffering through an unfit relationship months or years down the line, or learning this person was never going to be a good partner.
You’re just learning that sooner.
Learning it sooner means less wasted emotions, less heartache—and much more importantly less wasted precious TIME!
Once you stop wasting time with the wrong ones—the path to the RIGHT ONE becomes significantly shorter.
Are You Ready To Win BIG In Love?
As counterintuitive as it may seem to be MORE picky and MORE honest, my dating method works. How do I know? Because hundreds of my single private-practice clients have found love within a few short months of adopting it.
I know it will work to help you find the perfect partner much sooner and with less heartache than being less picky and going on hundreds of dates.
For most singles, however, dating less and having more scrutiny is a bit of uncharted territory.
Maybe it is for you, too.
Why? Because (reflecting back to the job search analogy), you’re not sure of your unique skills and talents. You don’t know your strengths and weaknesses.
You’re not aware of the ways in which you may be getting in your own way.
What’s more, you also aren’t sure what kind of partner is really right for you. You only know what kind of person is your physical “type” or what hobbies or interests you want to share. But do you know what your top level deal-breakers are?
What you can, and can’t live with?
What kind of partner will make you feel loved, heard, and honored?
If you’re not sure, that’s where my program, Dating Rehab, can be so helpful to you.
In Dating Rehab, I’ll take you step-by-step through this highly effective method that has helped hundreds of my patients find enduring love.
You’ll get exercises and questionnaires that will help you identify what makes you a great partner, and how to present the very best of what you have to offer—that magic combination unique to you that will enhance the right partner.
You’ll also learn to identify what you truly want and need in a partner so that you don’t wind up in a relationship that will never make you happy. In other words, I’ll teach you the right way to be more picky.
You’ll also learn:
- Little-known secrets to creating a profound connection from the very first date—and how to build deeper and deeper levels of intimacy to keep the relationship going strong
- Why you tend to attract men you’re not interested in, and scare off the men you really want, and the most effective strategy to reverse this common dilemma
- Targeted exercises and questionnaires to determine your critical deal-breakers and what you truly need to be happy in a relationship—so you don’t waste time with the wrong people
- And much more…
When you go through Dating Rehab, you’re going to date LESS, but you’re going to date smart. And you’re going to show your true colors—your strengths as well as your weaknesses—early on.
By doing this, you won’t be indulging in false hope with dates that will eventually disappoint you.
Instead, you’re going to be on the fast track to the one person who will love you for all that you are.
I want to be upfront and tell you this approach won’t make you unbelievably attractive to everyone.
What I can promise is that the approach in Dating Rehab will bring you the RIGHT person—and it will bring him to you faster than you can imagine right now.
Because this is truly the only way you will create a relationship with someone who can go the distance with you.
If you don’t present an authentic picture of yourself, then the person you’re dating will never know who you really are—and therefore can never truly love all that you are.
Real love and connection are born ONLY when two people show up authentically—sharing exactly who they are.
My Dating Rehab method will teach you how to be confident about who you are and convey what’s special about you—so that the right person will fall head over heels in love with the real you.
You’ll also learn how to break through the shell people usually present early on so that your dates open up to you in the most authentic way. With these two elements, you’ll be creating an environment where true connection can blossom.
Get It HereSound a little scary? Good. Fear and uncertainty here means that you’re about to be stretched beyond your current limitations—so you can break through to an extraordinary relationship.
I expect you to be nervous. All I ask is that you just TRY my approach. You can always go back to doing things the way you used to.
But I’m fairly certain you won’t want to.
xoxo,
Dr. Randi
P.S. There are certain questions to ask on a first date that will quickly tell you whether a certain relationship is worth pursuing—or whether you should cut your losses before it’s too late. In Dating Rehab, you’ll learn how to “vet” your date even before you meet face-to-face. You’ll save yourself from so much hurt, disappointment, and frustration!
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