Here Are 3 Words To Live By On The First Few Dates.

by Carol Allen

Are you physically highly-sensitive?

If you suspect you may be, and you’re single and dating, this could be the reason why you may not be getting a lot of second dates…because you are unknowingly pushing away great men.

In this email, you’ll learn why this happens and how to overcome this challenge using 3 words.

But first, to figure out if you are indeed physically sensitive, ask yourself if any of the following sound true:

• You can walk into a room and smell things other people can’t, or get overwhelmed by smells when other people don’t. (Scented candles and incense—things other people find spiritual or romantic—can cause you to go screaming from the place.)
• You need to sit in certain areas of a restaurant—away from entrances, piercing sunlight, the kitchen, noisy vents no one else seems to hear, or other patrons having a little too much fun.
• You feel claustrophobic in crowded places.
• You can’t stand being too cold or too hot for more than like, two seconds.
• You won’t eat certain things because of health, texture, taste, or philosophical reasons. And if it’s brought to you at the wrong temperature, you’ll send it back.

If any or all of these sound true to you, then in addition to being emotionally sensitive, you may also have a smidgen (or a whole lot!) of physical sensitivity as well.

Other people don’t seem to care where they sit, or they don’t mind the smell of cigar smoke or that rotting banana peel in the next room.

For you, however, it’s hard to concentrate on anything else when one—or more—of your senses feels assaulted.

And this is why the early stages of dating, when you’re with a guy who doesn’t know you well enough yet, and therefore doesn’t get you, can be particularly challenging.

The Big Dilemma: You Can’t Help It…And He Doesn’t Get It

There you are, out on a first date with a man you’re really attracted to.

He makes reservations…to a restaurant where you don’t like the food (too spicy). So you order a small salad and pick at it. He asks if you’re feeling ok.

He wants to take a walk in the park afterward, but it’s chilly, and you didn’t bring a sweater. You tell him you’d rather not. He gives you a confused look.

He tells you his favorite band is coming to town next weekend, and asks you if you’d like to go with him to the concert. You hesitate…you don’t like crowds and loud music. Sensing your lack of enthusiasm, he drops the subject.

He gets really quiet, in fact.

He drives you home.

And you don’t hear from him again.

Ugh!

You really LIKED this guy. He was charming, funny, and had those devastating eyes…

What happened? You wonder.

Well, if you haven’t already guessed, he misunderstood your discomfort with the food, smells, temperature on the date and thought he was displeasing you in some way.

In other words, he interpreted your discomfort to be a reflection on your feelings about HIM.

He took it personally, and decided you weren’t interested in him.

Or, he thought you were being “difficult.”

“High-maintenance.”

“Odd.”

Which is SUCH a misunderstanding and missed opportunity on his part.

Because as a soulfully sensitive woman, you have so much love to give.

You’re thoughtful, deep, spiritual and by the way, a real snuggle-bunny. That’s right, your physical sensitivity makes you LOVE massages, kissing, and everything else in between the sheets. VA VA VOOM.

You’re not “difficult.” You are just taking care of yourself!

So what can you do? After all, you don’t want to change who you are. You want a man to accept you and love you for your soulfully sensitive nature.

And he will, but he has to get to know you, discover how awesome you are. In other words, he has to “get hooked” first.

Until he does, you may want to consider doing THIS.

You Don’t Need To Be Different, You Just Need To Do THIS

Here’s the thing…

Dating is certainly about finding out if he’s the right guy. But it’s ALSO about making him feel good.

When a man feels good around you and believes that he’s capable of pleasing you, he’s WAAAAY more likely to ask you out again. Whether you’re on your first date together, or your fifth.

If he’s an amazing guy (attractive, has a life, can cook a mean omelet, is whip smart and loves your cat), then chances are, he’s getting a LOT of attention from other women already.

If he’s online, he’s probably got his pick of hundreds of women in your area who are smart, attractive, and fun to be with, too.

That’s why, my dear, it’s critical you don’t make him think you’re hard to please.

So my #1 dating tip for you? ROLL WITH IT. At least on the first few dates.

The restaurant isn’t exactly to your liking? Roll with it.

The music is a wee bit too loud? Roll with it.

He didn’t call you at the exact time he said he would? Roll with it.

Be easy-breezy on the first few dates. You’ll have the opportunity to get to know him and you’ll give him the opportunity to get to know you. Later, when he’s gotten a chance to be smitten by you, you can tell him all about your sensitive nature and about your preferences. (And hopefully he’s totally in support of you. If not—he’s not for you!)

Hopefully by then, he’ll understand and honor your preferences. He’ll WANT to, if he’s falling for you.

But at first, better to do what I did. Roll with it.

The Vegan And The Hot Dog: A True Story With A Happy Ending

When I first met my husband years ago, I was a vegan.

On our first date, he took me to a hot dog stand.

(Cue the sound of a scratching record here… ;))

Now, I could have said a bunch of things. I could have told him why I disagreed with the eating of hot dogs and that I hadn’t had one in over five years. I could have lectured him about health and nutrition and the environment. I could have insisted he take me somewhere else to eat. I could have complained that there was nothing on the menu for me except for the buns and condiments.

Instead, I focused on HIM and how happy I was to be with him.

I said something like, “You know, I’m not hungry. You asked me to go to the movies so I already ate (which was true). You go ahead, though. I’m just happy to be hanging out with you. I’m saving room for popcorn at the theatre.”

So he did. And we had a great time.

And he figured out what had happened, and took me to the most popular vegetarian restaurant in Hollywood the very NEXT time we went out…

All because I rolled with it. And almost three decades later, we’re still in love and happy together. (We both laugh about the hot dog story now…)

The point here is you want to wait until he’s more invested before you reveal your fully sensitive self.

No Cookie-Cutter Dating Advice. Just Real-World Strategies That Get You Love

When you’re soulfully sensitive, you can’t follow cookie-cutter dating advice that works for other “less sensitive” women. You need dating advice that’s tailored especially for your highly sensitive nature.

You have to do what works for YOU.

As a Vedic astrologer, I appreciate the inherent differences between people. I know there are some things that work most of the time, and some things that don’t work at all—for sensitive types.

You can’t just tell yourself to feel less or want less, for example. But there ARE certain things you can do to make dating a lot less stressful on you. And that’s important, because dating is a necessity if you want to end up in a committed relationship, or married.

One of my favorite dating studies says that women who ended up married treated dating like it was a job. They made it their MISSION and didn’t just sit at home waiting for someone to ring their doorbell.

They went out an average of 3 times a week to meet men, or go on dates! Yikes. That’s a LOT of hot dogs!

Point being, you need more support and more tailored insights in order to be able to get motivated to do what it takes to meet and connect with the man you’ll end up with for the rest of your life.

In my Love and The Soulfully Sensitive Woman video program, I’ll help you create a plan for meeting more men—with and without the interwebz—that respects your soulful nature.

You’ll learn the BENEFITS of being highly sensitive and how to set up your personal environment so that you RAMP UP the good aspects, and avoid the things that drive you nutty or wear you down.

You’ll hear how you should deal with men who tell you that you’re not “their type” or who criticize you—so you’re not mulling over some bozo’s unkind words for days. Or weeks! You don’t need that torture.

I’ll show you how to formulate your personal Love Mission Statement that will empower and inspire you, AND make you feel a heck of a lot better about all the inevitable setbacks that most women deal with, too.

You’ll also learn how to recognize and avoid emotionally unavailable men (a huge issue that makes dating painful, but can take a while to figure out) and get practical advice on how to stay more present and trust your gut.

And much more…

It’s all in my 6+ hour video plus workbook program, Love and The Soulfully Sensitive Woman. I created this program with your unique nature in mind. There’s really nothing else out there quite like it for highly sensitive women looking to find the love of their life.

I’m very proud of this program and I’m thrilled to be able to share it with you.

Don’t change who you are. Don’t stay stuck if you’re lonely and unhappy. Learn how to honor your nature and get the love you crave, too.

Soulfully Yours,

P.S. What’s a sensitive-minded way to flirt with men? In Part 5 of my program, you’ll get scripts and tips on how to let a man know you’re interested without sounding too aggressive or coming across as “desperate” (whew!). You’ll also learn why giving a man advice is a losing proposition.