by Felice Dunas
Let’s play pretend for a minute.
Let’s pretend you’re on a dating app - it can be the swiping app, a paid dating site, or wherever you’d find yourself looking for a relationship.
A guy messages you and he seems nice enough - so you set up a coffee date.
Now - you know why you’re going on this date, right?
You’re seeing if there’s attraction and chemistry. Right?
I’ll circle back to that, but let’s keep on with our game.
He’s nice, you enjoy the conversation, and he asks if you’d like to have dinner this weekend. You’re in, so you make plans.
Now… why are you going on this second date? Do you know yet?
We’ll come back to that.
The date goes well, and you find yourself agreeing to a third date.
Any ideas why you’re going on that one?
Let’s continue.
A fourth date. A fifth date. Six, seven, eight.
You may have been intimate by this point, maybe not. That’s not really the purpose of this exercise, but it’s something to think about.
But now you’re a good month or two into this and you’ve found yourself dating this man consistently.
What have you learned in these 4-8 weeks?
What do you know about this man that you didn’t know when you sat in the coffee shop sipping your latte and meeting Mr. Dating App?
If you’re currently looking at your screen, head slightly tilted, saying “Felice… what do you MEAN?!”… then you are exactly who I want to talk to.
Because chances are, you don’t know the purpose of dating.
You Should NOT Be Dating To Fall In Love
The traditional view of dating is that you’re spending time together, bonding, and encouraging feelings to grow.
But what if I told you that wasn’t the point of dating at all?
That you’re not dating to grow feelings. You’re not dating to grow attraction. You’re not dating to go home at the end of the night with butterflies in your belly and a grin on your face.
Falling in love is NOT the whole point of going on a date. And if that’s your primary focus… you’re setting yourself up for heartache and more dead-end relationships.
Because initial attraction & chemistry can last far beyond the dating relationship. And while the jury is still out on exactly how long it lasts… it can be up to 2 years.
2 years of butterflies before the rose-colored glasses come off and you realize… he’s not perfect for you at all.
But Stanford University did a study that showed that about 25% of couples move in together after just 4 months of dating… and by the time that 2 year mark rolls around, that number jumps to 70%.
That’s a pretty serious commitment to be making on the back of some butterflies.
So what do you do instead?
Spend Your Dating Time Getting To Know Him (And Letting Him Get To Know You)
In my 30+ year career working with women and relationships, and in my course The Soulmate Method, I have a very specific set of things you should know by the end of date #3.
Which means your dates are MORE than just fancy dinners, nights out on the town, fun adventures or cute games of mini-golf.
Time you spend with him should give you more information about him than you had before you spent time with him.
Now - I’m not saying that you have to interrogate him. Far from it. You can (and should!) have fun together. But if you’re not using this time to understand him on a deeper level… you’re wasting time and allowing yourself to fall into the chemistry trap.
Stop relying on the butterflies and whirlwind romance to make your long-term relationship decisions for you.
So what do you need to know about him? I’m glad you asked…
5 Things To Know By The End of Date 3
In The Soulmate Method, I give you a full list of 11 things to know by the end of Date 3. But here are the first 5:
1. What are your relationship goals? What are his? Are they similar? (If you want a long-term relationship but he’s moving abroad in 6 months… is that compatible?)
2. Does he have any qualities, values or aspirations that are on your dealbreaker list?(If so, now is the time to be honest and upfront with him and let him know that this isn’t going anywhere.)
3. Do you have common interests? Are his interests something you’d like to learn more about? (You don’t have to be exactly the same, but it would be a long road if you were bored out of your mind by everything he loves.)
4. Is there good verbal communication? Are there awkward silences or does the conversation flow easily? (You want to be with someone you can talk to, right?)
5. Have you noticed any inconsistencies with who they present themselves to be?(We all put our best foot forward in early dating - but you don’t want to get in too deep with someone who isn’t who he says he is.)
These questions are not easy questions to answer - especially if you haven’t done the work to understand yourself, your needs, your goals, and your own history.
That’s why I’ve created The Soulmate Method - because this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to being intentional about who you date and what you look for in a relationship.
Being intentional about your dating life is the direct opposite of letting the butterflies in your belly rule the decision-making process.
It’s about setting yourself up for success BEFORE you even meet for the first time.
It’s about understanding yourself and what you want so you’re spending less time (and heartache, and effort, and energy) on relationships that won’t survive when the chemistry goes away.
It’s about understanding that not all dating relationships are designed to be long-term relationships… and being okay with it. Because you’re not in it for just the feeling - you’re in it for the future.
When You Should Pursue A Serious, Long-Term Relationship
There are a few essential factors that should be determining whether or not you pursue a serious relationship with a man:
- what you WANT from your life partner
- what you HAVE TO OFFER
- who fits your PREFERRED LIFESTYLE, and
- what TYPE OF PERSON can make you FEEL LOVED
And most women simply don’t know what these are or even how to figure them out!
The Soulmate Method will show you how to:
- Understand what you MUST HAVE in a successful relationship (so you go into every potential dating relationship with your eyes wide open)…
- Have a clear vision of what your ideal partnership looks and feels like (so you can clearly communicate that to the men you date)…
- Qualify the people you meet (which will save you time, effort and energy when you STOP dating the wrong men for you!)…
- Choose your partner based on compatibility first, then attraction, so you STOP letting feelings guide your romantic decisions (which ultimately leads to heartbreak) and START using the logic you bring to the rest of your life…
It will show you, step-by-step, day-by-day, on how to date in a wiser and more pragmatic way, so you can realize your dream of marriage, family and lasting love SOONER.
You’ll learn how to date INTENTIONALLY and EFFECTIVELY, while also having a lot of fun.
YES, you will have fun while dating! Imagine how much fun it will be to date men that are actually good fits for you instead of wondering if it’s going to lead to heartache in the end.
Imagine how fun it will be to know - before you go on a date - that the person you’re meeting has the potential to be a long-term fit for you.
This means no more wasting precious weekend nights with a man who can never make you happy, because of his personality, approach to relationships, values and personal habits. The result? More joy, more fun, and less misery in the long-run.
You’ll know exactly how to “discover” these aspects about him, in a way that isn’t intrusive or interrogating. PLUS you’ll get tips on how to have fun on dates while getting to know a man, without getting too emotionally attached too soon.
And I’ll hand you the rest of my 11 things to know by the end of date 3:
You’ll also discover :
- The keys to understanding physical and emotional attraction and chemistry, and how genetics, smell, culture, and the subconscious play a role in the kind of people you’re typically drawn to—and why it’s important to see all of these aspects with a clear and discerning mind.
- What it means if you feel “love at first sight” versus a comfortable, slow attraction that builds with time. Is one type of relationship better than the other? The answer to this is critical to your long-term happiness.
- The 5 Types of Dates: the kinds of activities and dates that will guarantee you’ll get to know your date and have fun even if he isn’t a good candidate for a second date.
- Why men pull away and act less interested after having sex with you, and what you can do to ensure you’re not pining away for a man who isn’t interested in a real relationship after sleeping with you.
- And much, much more!
By the time you’ve spent these 30-Days with me, you will almost automatically begin dating for the right reason: which is NOT to fall in love, but to get to know someone on a deeper level.
To understand whether you’re truly compatible for the long-term.
Because your goal for each and every date is to see if this person is worth investing the time into for another date.
If you’re looking for a healthy, loving, long-term relationship… that’s where your focus should be.
I want to help you get there.
Warmly,
