Here’s The Secret To Using Texting As A Tool for Creating—Not Killing—Intimacy And Connection

by Randi Gunther

Do you have a love / hate relationship with texting and technology?

Maybe you love being able to stay in easy contact throughout the day with your partner or the man you’re dating.

And it’s really convenient to get to know available, single men using just your phone.

But there are issues with texting that leave you annoyed and frustrated. For example:

• Your partner used to text you a lot in the beginning of your relationship, but hardly responds to your messages now.
• You keep checking your phone and agonizing over whether or not you’ll get a text from him.
• Your guy often misinterprets what you’ve texted, causing unnecessary tension between you.
• When you’re together in person with your guy, the conversation flows and you feel close to him, but when you’re texting the conversation feels stifled and stiff.
• Or you spend hours analyzing what he wrote and what it meant.

Some people claim technology has made us more connected and brought us closer.

But sometimes it seems like texting gets in the way of connection, instead of promoting it!

And sometimes you wonder if your love life would be better off if there was no such thing as texting…or smartphones.

If you can relate, then keep reading, because I’m going to reveal why you may be turning men off with HOW you’re texting, and what you can do to create intimacy and connection with your words instead.

A Big Reason Why Texting Makes Dating And Relationships More Complicated

Texting can make it easier to get to know someone, and in other ways it can make your relationship a lot more complicated than it has to be.

As you’ve probably experienced, texts and emails can be misinterpreted.

You can even misinterpret a man’s intentions if he doesn’t respond to your text at all (even though there may be good reasons why).

Or you may spend hours analyzing a message from a date.

Why is texting so fraught with anxiety and confusion when it comes to romantic relationships?

A large part of all this confusion lies in emotions.

When you are corresponding by text or email, it’s much harder to get your feelings across.

The person you’re communicating with can’t see your facial expressions and body language, and they can’t experience your voice intonation and touch.

Texting, therefore, leaves a lot more to the imagination.

And depending on what you write, the more chances there are for misinterpretation, assumptions and miscommunication.

Here are some examples of what I mean.

If He’s Not Responding To Your Texts Or Getting Annoyed Or Distant…This May Be Why

Let’s say that you were out with your date the previous night, and you had a disagreement. You said some things that may have come across as insulting. You’re insecure and worried. You wonder if he won’t want to see you again.

You text him this: “I’m worried. Are you ok about last night?”

And an hour later you get this reply: “Yes. Don’t worry about me.”

You have no idea if he’s still angry, or if he’s over what happened. You feel a little defensive. You respond: “You still sound angry.”

He lobs it back to you: “That’s not what I said.”

He doesn’t sound at all friendly or loving. Now you’re even more worried!

You managed to create even more confusion for both him and you.

Another example: You have a wonderful date with a new man the night before, and you’re feeling joyful and light.

You want to let him know how much you appreciate him and that you’d like to see him again. But you don’t want to be too forward, so you text him something friendly and simple:

“I’m (happy emoji). Are you?”

And you get this reply: “Sure! (tongue sticking out emoji)”

But he doesn’t text anything else. In fact, you don’t hear from him again.

Again, you failed to convey the breadth and scope of your emotions. You were “playing it safe” by keeping your text short and vague.

In both examples, you had an opportunity to connect with him, express your emotions in a way that would make him feel understood, intrigued, or attracted to you.

Instead, your communication either didn’t have the desired effect…

fell flat…

or turned him off.

The fact is, real, intimate dialogue is just not possible with the limitations of texting, UNLESS you know how to convey your emotions in a more explicit, creative way.

That means you have to add back what’s missing in the technology:

Body language.

Voice intonation.

Facial expressions.

Touch.

You have to become skilled in using texting or technology in a way that creates intimacy, comes from a place of authenticity, and builds attraction.

This isn’t something you’re likely to read about on an online dating app or hear from your friends. Nonetheless, it’s part of what will make you successful with finding, attracting and keeping the right partner when dating.

Fortunately, these are skills that you can quickly and easily learn. Let me show you how.

How To Master The Tactical Aspects Of Building Attraction And Intimacy In Dating

As a clinical psychologist and marriage counselor, I’ve helped both singles and couples navigate their way through the often choppy waters of finding and keeping love.

Over the last 40 years of my private practice, I’ve seen how much dating has changed, and a big part of that change has to do with technology.

Technology has changed the way we meet others, how we interact, and how we communicate.

But the basics remain the same. Creating a great relationship lies in embracing three commitments:

1. knowing WHO you are
2. knowing WHAT you want, and
3. knowing EXACTLY WHAT TO DO (AND WHAT TO AVOID) from the first moments of connection.

That’s why I developed my program, Dating Rehab, as a radically different approach to dating that encompasses all three of these commitments.

You’ll not only learn how to transform your dating experience from the inside out, you’ll also gain valuable, tactical skills, such as the do’s and don’ts of first dates, exactly how to compose compelling text messages, and how to build attraction with the things you say (or don’t say) both face-to-face and using technology.

In Section 4 of Dating Rehab, you’ll get specific examples that show you how to compose a text message to convey such emotions as anger, disdain, joy, sadness, and desire, and more.

I’ll also give you 5 guidelines for texting that will help you line up your typed communications with your face-to-face interactions. In other words, no more stifled and stiff conversations when you’re staying in touch with texting or email.

You’ll also learn:

• How to use radical honesty as a way to make dating easier and more fun and attract the right partner to you
• How to up-level your sense of self-worth and self-love, so that you can feel more confident about attracting better quality partners and setting boundaries
• How to handle common challenges past the 3-month mark of a relationship, such as the “cool down” phase, exclusivity, commitment, and knowing if it’s real love.

And too much more to list!

Start listening or find out more here:

When you follow the conversation and texting guidelines in Dating Rehab, you'll begin using language as it was intended—as a way for hearts and minds to blend.

xoxo,
Dr. Randi

P.S.When should you reveal something personal to your date? Is there EVER a good time to reveal secrets about yourself or your past?

In Section 4 of Dating Rehab, you’ll get my guidelines for what to reveal when, so you can maintain trust in your relationship without destroying your chances of attracting a partner earlier on.