by Katherine Woodward Thomas
What if I told you that you could become magnetic to love simply by changing what you believe about yourself?
It’s true!
You see, we all have beliefs about ourselves when it comes to love.
Some of us may believe that extraordinary love happens for others but not for us, because we’re not lucky that way.
Or that partners will always leave, and no one will ever really be there for us in a way we can count on.
Some of us doubt our value deep down inside, even though on the outside it looks like we have everything going for us.
Some of us believe that we’re not good in relationships, and wonder if maybe we’re meant to focus on other things besides romance.
Or that we’re perfectly fine by ourselves and don’t NEED a man or woman, as though becoming interdependent were somehow a handicap.
Or we think we’ll meet The One when we least expect it, and try to put it totally out of our minds so we’re not trying too hard or focusing on it too much.
And then some of us believe that we were meant to love and be loved, and that it’s a matter of timing, but it will happen eventually.
What are your beliefs about yourself and what’s possible for you in love and how might those beliefs be limiting what’s possible for you in love?
If you’ve been living with a painful story, or can recite a litany of reasons why you can’t seem to find or keep The One (or perhaps why you don’t need The One), you’re going to want to keep reading.
Because in this article, I’m going to ask you to question everything you believe about yourself, about relationships, and about love.
And then I’ll reveal how to free yourself from any lies that have been keeping true love from you, so you can finally co-create a future that reflects what your heart and soul have desired all along.
How My Childhood Shaped My Beliefs
My father left my mother when I was still a little girl.
Out of necessity, my mother then had to get a job in order to support our little family of two.
I became a latchkey kid, which means that I would come home after school to an empty apartment and have to fend for myself until my mom got home from work.
This experience led me to forming a few beliefs.
I believed that I was fundamentally all alone in life.
I believed that men always leave.
And that I could never get what I really needed from others emotionally.
In response to these beliefs, I lowered my expectations of what I should expect from anyone—especially from men. I didn’t think anyone could ever be there for me or meet my needs.
I carried that belief well into my adult years. It led me to choosing men who lacked the capacity or the willingness to meet my needs. I was drawn to men who were in love with other women, who prioritized their career over me, or who were alcoholics.
When I would meet a man and start to date him, it wasn’t even on my radar to take into consideration whether or not he could meet my needs for love, safety, and belonging.
My criteria for whether or not to get involved with him had nothing to do with his capabilities for loving me the way I needed to be loved.
When a man acted self-absorbed or distant, I took it in stride because it validated what I already believed about myself: that I was fundamentally alone and responsible for meeting my own needs.
The Allure Of The Unavailable Man
Instead of getting quickly discouraged by their shortcomings, I would become sexually bonded and fall in love with these emotionally unavailable men. I’d spend years hoping they’d come around and want me the way I wanted them.
I’d settle for crumbs, allow myself to be devalued, essentially staying in relationships where I was fundamentally alone.
Nothing changed as long as I believed that I was meant to be alone and that I couldn’t expect to get what I needed emotionally.
My beliefs were creating my fate, because they were affecting the type of men I was choosing to say “yes” to and how I was showing up inside of those relationships. They also affected how open I was to healthier relationships.
Which meant that I wasted a lot of years enmeshed in relationship drama.
I didn’t reject men when they failed to be there for me. It actually made me try harder to win their love.
I pined away for relationships that never met my needs, believing the lie that these relationships were somehow good for me.
I stayed energetically bonded to men who had emotionally abandoned me, which kept me from being open to new relationships that may have been healthier.
That’s actually what happened when I met my husband the first time, years before we fell in love and got married.
I wasn’t open to having a relationship with him initially because I was still pining away for someone else (who, of course, was all wrong for me).
Six years later, I had an epiphany that led me to question everything I believed about myself, and later to manifest a new vision: that I wasn’t alone and that the man I loved would do everything in his power to meet my needs.
That vision allowed me to take bold actions to clear the way for the kind of partner who deserved my adoration. I set my standards much higher. I set an intention that was beyond my wildest imaginings about what was even possible before.
Something shifted inside me and gave me courage to join an online dating site—something I would never have done before.
When I magically reconnected with the man who, eight months later, would ask me to marry him, it was nothing short of a miracle.
I wouldn’t have even been open to that possibility had I still clung to the belief that I shouldn’t ever expect any man to ever be there for me.
It was a revelation that led me to my love destiny and it can lead you to yours, as long as you accept this:
If you want become a magnet for true love tomorrow, you have to change what you believe about yourself today.
Change Your Beliefs, Change Your Fate In Love
Perhaps now, you are coming to realize that it’s possible that you’ve been unconsciously creating evidence that the beliefs you formed in response to what happened to you earlier in life, are somehow true.
Beliefs such as:
You don’t need a man. Maybe you’ve been showing up in ways that push men away or make them feel unneeded and inadequate.
You aren’t worthy of real love, so you’ve been getting sexually involved with men too quickly in order to prove your value, only to have your feelings of unworthiness validated when they don’t call you again.
Your needs don’t matter, so you don’t express your needs and attract selfish, narcissistic people.
Wake up to exactly how your beliefs are authoring your sad love story. I’ve partnered with Flourish to help people like you align your beliefs and actions to become irresistibly magnetic to love, and finally create the relationship of your dreams.
All you have to do is subscribe to Flourish’s FREE newsletter. When you subscribe, you’ll get access to handpicked experts (like me!) giving you our best insights and strategies to create radically different results in your love life. You’ll learn:
- How you can create a relationship that validates that you are indeed loved, wanted, connected, valuable, seen, safe, supported, desired, powerful, and blessed in love
- How to let go of those limiting, poignant beliefs about what’s keeping you from falling happily in love
- A practical action plan for what to do when you can’t seem to break yourself of the illusion that your ex was “The One”
- 6 practical strategies to increase your confidence and motivation when you’ve lost faith and want to give up on love
- The unmistakable pattern that can predict whether feeling “chemistry” with a man means it will turn into a lasting relationship or burn out and fade as quickly as it ignited
- How to unleash your power to create a relationship that lights you up, inspires you, and brings out the best of who you are
Lots of love and bye for now,
