by Randi Gunther
If you’re single, you’re likely making a very big mistake when it comes to dating.
This mistake is very, very costly:
If you keep making this mistake, you’re wasting precious time and energy.
This mistake is responsible for you getting wrapped up with the wrong people. And it can actually result in you missing out on the love of your life.
Am I trying to scare you? In a way, yes.
Because nothing pains me more than seeing wonderful people struggle in love. Over the past 40 years, I’ve worked with many single people. These people were good-natured, kind-hearted, and intelligent. I’m guessing these people were a lot like you.
You’re sitting here wondering why you can’t seem to make this one area of your life work out.
And I’m here to tell you that if you avoid this one dating mistake, you dramatically skyrocket your ability to attract the right partner for life—and quickly.
So let me tell you what that costly mistake is.
The Danger Of Fishing In A Wide-Open Sea
When you don’t have a partner and you really want one, the natural inclination is to get out there and meet as many people as possible.
It’s like going to the supermarket when there’s a hurricane warning. You want to prevent hunger, so you load up your shopping cart, and later, your pantry.
But fulfilling your need to be fed is different from your need to be loved.
In order to be properly nourished, you need to eat a variety of foods. But when it comes to love, you’re looking for ONE partner who comes with certain qualities that will nourish your heart.
People will tell you that it’s a numbers game. That you need to “get out there” and quit being so picky.
So you date and date and date. You give all sorts of people a chance for fear of missing out on the one right person for you.
Unfortunately, this approach can leave you dating forever.
Just because there are a lot of fish in the sea, it doesn’t mean that you have to date as many of them as possible in order to identify your match. Just the opposite.
Finding The Perfect Catch—Faster
It may seem counterintuitive, but here’s what I’ve advised my single patients:
Get really picky about what you want and date fewer people.
Invariably, this initially scares them. And it may scare you.
You’ll be worried that by limiting the dating pool you’re going to come up empty.
But hasn’t that been happening already? You haven’t scored your ideal match.
Fishing all over the place isn’t helping. Instead, throwing out the widest net possible is netting you a lot of throwbacks.
Instead, you want one rod, carefully baited, to get you that one big fish.
My single patients, though hesitant at first, soon discover that if they follow my plan—and know how to “bait”—they score the catch they’ve been waiting for their whole lives.
2 Reasons Why Dating For Quality, Not Quantity, Will Score You The “Big Fish”
I don’t have to tell you how demoralizing it feels when you’ve gone on dozens of first and second dates, over a period of months or even years, and are still right where you started:
Single.
When you’re meeting as many men as possible, without being concerned about whether or not you’re a good fit to begin with, this is bound to happen.
How can you know if you’re a good fit before you meet someone?
First, you have to know yourself. What are your strengths? What makes you unique? What brings you joy? What can you bring to a relationship that others can’t?
Without knowing yourself, meeting dozens of men will feel “hit or miss” because it is! You’ll seem to hit it off with some men, but others won’t, and you won’t be able to pinpoint why.
Or men will ghost you or tell you they’re not interested, and it’ll be because who you are wasn’t compatible with what they were looking for in a partner.
When you know yourself, what you like or don’t like, and what your values are, you will be more likely to recognize right away whether it’s a waste of time for you to meet a man who’s a fitness junkie and likes to go pub crawling on weekends.
Or whether you should bother meeting a man who likes to read nonfiction and go to the symphony—regardless of his physical attractiveness.
The 80/20 Rule And Knowing Your Deal-Breakers
The other reason why you need to be more picky and ask yourself if it’s a good fit versus playing the numbers game, is because knowing what you want will allow you to make those critical decisions about the viability of a relationship faster. Maybe even before the first date.
A relationship can last and be happy if you’re willing to accept a little bit of what you don’t like in a man, if most of his qualities are ones you respect and admire.
It’s the 80/20 rule, with 80 being the good stuff and 20 being everything you don’t like about the man.
If you can live with the “negatives,” that’s fine. But if something within that 20 percent is a deal-breaker, i.e. “If that person couldn’t change that, it would be unacceptable to me,” then you have a serious problem.
These unacceptable aspects are called deal-breakers.
When you ignore your deal-breakers, what normally happens is that the relationship goes from 80 percent down to 70 percent down to 60 percent.
Now you’ve got a 40 percent problem. When there’s that deal-breaker, you can do ten things right and one thing wrong, and the person will have an allergic reaction to that one negative thing.
And research has proven that negatives are much more powerful than positives in a relationship.
One negative can destroy a relationship, whereas fewer positives won’t hurt it as much.
If there’s something negative in that relationship that won’t change, and you won’t be able to tolerate over time, it’s better to know upfront than months down the line.
By knowing yourself and your deal-breakers upfront, you’ll vet your dates better, and attract the right partner, faster.
You’ll feel much more confident when you meet someone new, because you’ll know that you have a high chance of hitting it off.
You’ll have much more fun meeting fewer men, without getting worn out, disenchanted, or demoralized.
Your New “Stop-Dating” Plan
My goal is to help you not have to go on another date again.
Instead, I want you to experience what it’s like to rest in knowing that you’ve found the partner of your dreams, and that you’ve gotten a relationship for life.
That’s when the fun kind of dating starts—dates with your forever beloved where you get to kick back and not have to worry about “where this relationship is going.”
But in order for this to happen, you have to date smart.
In my program Dating Rehab, you’re going to throw out everything you know about dating until now—and it’s going to completely change the results you’re getting.
Dating Rehab will teach you how to find your ONE by going on fewer dates and getting more out of them.
My counterintuitive—but wildly effective—approach will slash the time you spend on go-nowhere dates in order to catapult you toward your forever relationship, faster than you ever thought possible.
You’ll learn how to:
- Define your Unique Value Proposition (UVP)—the set of unique personality traits that make up what YOU have to offer a mate (this step will dramatically boost your confidence and help you attract a person who will truly appreciate you for exactly who you are).
- Be courageously honest and authentically YOU from day 1—and why this is the ONLY way to weed out and stop wasting valuable time on the “Mr. Wrongs.” It’s also the best way to make sure when Mr. Right shows up, you’re ready.
- Get clear on what you absolutely need in a relationship as well as your absolute deal breakers, so you don’t get caught in a relationship that can never make you happy.
- Afraid something about the real you might turn off a potential prospect? Let me show you how to use your “weaknesses” to create powerful intimacy—the kind that makes a man remember you long after the date ends!
With Dating Rehab, dating becomes an adventure, building up your confidence with each date as you use the tools.
Meeting new people will finally feel fun and productive because you’ll have a plan and a roadmap to get you to the finish line—a relationship you can hold on to forever, with someone who loves you for exactly who you are.
Start HereRemember, you’re trying to find just one person to spend your life with. When you narrow down the field rather than casting a wide net, you have a much better chance of striking gold.
xoxo,
Dr. Randi
