by Randi Gunther
Has this ever happened to you?
You find yourself sitting across from a man who’s absolutely amazing and checks off all your “must-haves.”
Wow, you may think. He’s so different from the last few guys I’ve been on a date with.
He asks such interesting questions. I feel like he’s really interested in me, and not just going through the motions.
He is deep and thoughtful. He challenges me to think about things in a different way.
And he’s handsome! He’s just my “type”! I could get lost in his eyes. And in his arms.
You really want to make sure to leave a great impression on him and ramp up the attraction he feels.
But how?
You want to stand out from the other women with whom he’s been on dates.
You want to make it easy for him to ask you out again. In other words, you want him to know you’re interested and attracted to him—that you like him.
So, you compliment him.
I like your glasses. So stylish!
That color of shirt really brings out your eyes.
This is a great restaurant. I’m glad you picked it.
After all, who doesn’t like to hear a compliment, right?
Yes, but be careful, because your enthusiasm could be propelling you to do something that just may have the opposite effect of what you’re after.
Instead of feeling flattered or turned on, he may just end up feeling uncomfortable and turned OFF by you.
And I know that’s not what you want, nor is it your intention.
That’s why, in this article, I’m going to give you a tip on how to use compliments to ramp up attraction, instead of killing it.
Want To Connect With Him? Then Follow This Rule
I’ve been counseling couples and singles for more than four decades. Dating has changed drastically over that period of time.
Most singles meet online first before they ever set eyes on each other in person. It’s less common for singles to meet people through family or friends.
That’s why a first meeting, or even the first few dates, are so often loaded with expectation and anxiety.
When you do meet a man to whom you’re attracted, you want to connect with him. You want him to know you’re interested, and you want to do it in a way that isn’t so subtle that he doesn’t notice, or in a way that’s so overt that it comes across as pushy and too intense.
Compliments are a good way to express that you’re interested and attracted.
But I have a simple rule about them, and it’s this:
Don’t give more than three compliments in a row!
In case you’re wondering why I advise my clients on this rule, I want you to imagine what it feels like TO YOU when a man comes on strong, bombarding you with compliment after compliment when you’re on a date.
He meets you at the coffee shop or café and after sizing you up, tells you:
You have a wonderful figure.
You continue your conversation, and five minutes later he puts his hand over yours and says…
Your eyes are so mesmerizing.
You’re flattered, but twenty minutes later he adds…
I’m so impressed you know so much about that subject—and I love how smart you are.
Five minutes after that…
I can tell you’re a mindful person.
Immediately followed by…
Did I tell you what a great sense of humor you have? Your texts made me laugh.
Suddenly, you’re wondering, what does this guy want from me? Is he trying to get me into bed? Is he desperate? Is he joking? Making fun of me somehow?
You feel uneasy and off-center when someone bombards you with compliments that way. It feels forced and unnatural.
Can you understand why giving more than three compliments in a row may feel the same way to HIM?
You don’t want to create that feeling in him.
You want your date to reflect back on the time you spent together as relaxed, fun, and engaging.
Not as forced and unnatural.
Maybe another way to think of the role compliments play on a date is to imagine you’re creating a delicious dish…
Giving A Compliment Is Like Adding Herbs And Spices…Too Much, And You’ve Ruined The Dish
One well-timed compliment or flirtatious comment can make someone’s day.
It can also be wildly attractive.
Imagine being on a date with a man and he leans down and says, “You’re the most beautiful woman here tonight.”
Just that one sexy statement. Well-timed. That leaves you wanting more (but not necessarily getting more).
It’s a matter of quality, not quantity.
Too many compliments can sound like you’re trying to force something.
Think of compliments like sprinkling in herbs and spices to a stew that already has a flavorful foundation. A little bit of tarragon or salt is lovely and will add depth and flavor to your stew.
But what if you’re not sure that your stew is any good to begin with? There’s something missing and you’re not sure what.
Now you’re dumping in several tablespoons of tarragon, a handful of parsley, maybe a couple of tablespoons of salt, trying to make it taste like something. It’s too much. You’ve essentially ruined the dish. It’s now unpalatable!
In other words, if you’re lacking confidence in your ability to be attractive and interesting, you might over-use compliments in order to try to make your date feel good, in the hopes he’ll like you in return, but attraction doesn’t work that way.
It’s like forcing a bland dish to be flavorful by overloading it with spices and salt.
There’s a better way to connect and build attraction with a man you like, and it’s about knowing who you are and what makes you different and special.
That way, you come into the date relaxed and optimistic. You don’t need to overload him with compliments. You can just be yourself and have fun.
But in order to have that level of confidence, you have to do a little bit of preparation before you even say yes to another date. Here’s how…
How To Gain Relaxed Confidence, Be Yourself And Be Attractive To The Right Man
The very first step to successful dating (and by successful I mean the kind of dating that takes you out of the dating game for good and into an extraordinary relationship) is to take a thorough inventory of yourself: what makes you fabulous, what your flaws are, and what you should be highlighting to others.
That's how you’ll attract the right potential partners - the kind of man who will value what you have to offer and who will invest in a relationship with you.
This strategy will result in these benefits:
- You’ll meet your perfectly matched partner sooner because they’ll recognize you as THEIR perfect partner sooner.
- It’ll be easier to connect deeply with that person in a way you haven’t before because you’ll be a better fit. No need to over-do the compliments in order to let him know you’re interested! He will already be interested because you’ll be perfectly matched.
- You’ll stop wasting precious time trying to connect with people you’re attracted to, but who aren’t interested in what you have to offer.
This is why the approach I take in my program, Dating Rehab, is a radically different approach from what you’ll read about in magazine articles or the advice you get from friends.
Section 2 of Dating Rehab teaches you how to gain confidence and attract the right partner by getting clear on who you are and what you have to offer, even BEFORE you go on a date.
Then, in Section 3, you’ll learn more tactical tips on how to handle the first few dates. You’ll learn how to get to know a man’s deepest secrets without pushing him away or coming across as too probing.
You’ll get a useful tip on how to come across as more relaxed, open and authentic on your date, simply by imagining a specific and pleasant scenario. You won’t lose your cool if you follow this guideline!
And in Section 4, you’ll learn how to let a man know you’re interested—or not—in a way that isn’t awkward or forced.
There’s so much more in this program that will help you enjoy dating again, gain relaxed confidence, and be naturally attractive to the right partner. It’s all here:
How to Be Naturally AttractiveWhen you’re on a date, it’s important to pace yourself. There’s no need to force anything that wouldn’t naturally happen if you are always being your authentic self.
xoxo,
Dr. Randi
P.S. Have you been on what feels like a hundred dates, but still haven’t connected with the right man?
When you don't have a partner and you really want one, the natural inclination is to get out there and meet as many people as possible. Unfortunately, this approach can leave you dating forever. Let me show you a counter-intuitive way to date: by going on LESS dates, but raising the quality of your dates. Learn how in my Dating Rehab program here:
Date for Quality not Quantity