by Bobbi Palmer
In my career coaching women to find THE man to share their life with, I’ve noticed a really interesting trend:
My widowed clients have the easiest time finding an amazing man to share the rest of their life.
By contrast, divorced women and women who have never been married struggle the most.
Why?
Does this mean that you’re doomed if you have an ex-husband or you’ve never had a husband at all?
Should you give up your search now and resign yourself to singledom?
No! What it means is that if you’re looking for love, then you need to learn from your widowed sisters—and start putting that learning into action right away.
In this article, I’ll show you how.
What It’s Like Being a Widow Looking for Love
Imagine this:
You’ve had your love story. You met and married your husband. Your relationship wasn’t perfect, but you know that no relationship is.
You’ve loved this man and lived with him for years—maybe decades.
You’ve seen every side of him, he’s seen every side of you, and you got through tough times together. For better or worse, you stuck with each other through all of it.
Maybe you had children, maybe you didn’t. Either way, you settled in to spending a lifetime with your man.
Then, it was over. You were alone again.
You took time—months or years—to move through the transition. Eventually, you felt ready again. You sensed a longing for another romantic relationship.
Divorced, Never Married, and Widowed: Three Perspectives
If you’ve been divorced—and it was ugly—you’re likely going to bring a good dose of caution into your dating experience. Part of you really wants to find a relationship that works, and another part of you can’t help but remember how difficult things became in your marriage.
If you’ve been single a long time, you might be bringing a sense of urgency into your dating. You may feel like time is running out. You’ve gotten your hopes up before, and now you’re eyeing each date with a mixture of optimism and fatalism.
Whichever camp you fall into, there’s a common denominator: both divorced and never-married women can have hang-ups about men, dating, and relationships.
Most widows don’t. They tend to trust men. And trust themselves. So when they’re ready to date again, it can happen quite easily.
Let’s take a closer look at why—and what you can learn from them.
The 5 Qualities That Make Widows Winners at Online Dating
When I realized that my widowed clients made up a good number of my success stories, I began to study what made them find love online. Here’s what I discovered:
- Widows aren’t judgemental: They don’t have a mile-long checklist for their perfect mate because they know firsthand that no man is perfect and that you can have epic love with an imperfect man. That means they don’t pass over certain profiles as quickly as other women might, and they also forgive a man’s behavior if it isn’t perfect. As a result, they end up opening up their dating pool and also making the men they date feel accepted, which is a big part of the reason a man will fall in love with you!
- They’re primed for messy relationships: Having experienced all the highs and lows of living with an intimate partner and sticking together, they don’t freak out at the first sign of conflict. They have come to EXPECT bumps in the road, which means they’re better able to navigate them when they do happen. They also understand that the men they date will likely come with a history, and that’s okay.
- They have clear boundaries—and show it. Widowed women haven’t experienced a man walking out on them because they spoke up about something they didn’t like. They became comfortable knowing what they wanted—and asking for it. If you’re a single or divorced woman who is afraid of “rocking the boat” by expressing your feelings, take a cue from your widowed sisters—honesty weeds out the guys who can’t hack it for the long haul!
Now, you might be wondering:
If widows do so well at online dating, why do they need coaching? Good questions. I’ll tell you:
One of the challenges for widows is that they tend to compare men to their late husbands—both positively and negatively. That means the men they date are competing with an impossible standard, which sets up a whole other dynamic!
Do you have impossible standards? An old flame you’re comparing every new man to? Whatever is stopping you from finding your life partner, I can help you…
Get Past Whatever is Holding You Back—and Go From Online to In-Love
Did you learn something from widows that you can take into your dates? Has it inspired you to open up a little? Even consider starting to date again?
As a dating coach, I’ve helped thousands of women in the last 10 years find love online by teaching them the skills and secrets of using technology to attract the right man—including how to stay true to their values while gaining control of their dating life.
I’ve also showed women how to communicate with men online that gets more responses and takes things to the next level (like a meeting over coffee/tea) without feeling like they’re chasing or making all the moves.
But since I can’t possibly work with every woman over 40 who needs this kind of help, I’ve partnered with Flourish so I can extend that help and guidance to as many women as possible.
When you subscribe to our FREE Relationship Advice Newsletter, you get access to more articles like these, from an accomplished community of carefully selected experts (like me!).
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Love,
