by Bobbi Palmer
Has this ever happened to you?
It’s Monday and you’re talking on the phone with a nice guy you’re interested in. After some chit-chat, he finally asks you out on a date. It goes something like this:
Nice Guy: Do you want to go out for dinner Saturday night?
You: Yes, that would be nice.
Nice Guy: Okay, I’ll call you later in the week to firm up the plans. I’m looking forward to it.
You: Me too. Talk then.
[Click.]
You: Woohoo!!!!!! (Okay…I added that on for dramatic effect.)
You like him, and you’re looking forward to Saturday. In fact, you’re already wondering what you’re going to wear and what you’re going to talk about.
Wednesday there is no call. Thursday there is no call. Friday morning comes, and you wonder,
“Do We Actually Have a Date? Or Has He Forgotten or Changed His Mind?”
You’re disappointed: maybe a little mad. You’re fretting over what to do next. You text a couple of your friends and ask, “What should I do? Should I call him and follow up?”
One of your friends says that you should absolutely get in touch with him and see what’s up. Maybe there’s a misunderstanding. Maybe he’s waiting for YOU to call.
The other friend says absolutely not! He’s a loser, she says. Don’t waste your time, she adds.
You’re torn. On one hand, you really like this guy. You had a great time together the last time you went out. You want to see him again.
On the other hand, you really are so done waiting around for men!
An All-Too-Common Dating Situation That Can Leave You Confused and Fed Up
Unfortunately, this is a common situation— especially when you’re meeting men using online dating.
This can happen with traditional dating, too. He muses about taking you out to some restaurant he discovered when you talk to him on the phone early in the week, and then you hear crickets until Saturday…
No texts, no calls, no “can we reschedule?”, no “what time shall I pick you up?”
Nothing. Nada.
It drives you nuts because you like to know what your plans are for the weekend. Otherwise, if he’s not going to call, you can pivot and spend time with your girlfriends or do something else. It’s not always a good idea to be making weekend plans at the last minute.
It makes you feel that you’re not in charge of your own time. So of course you want to “take charge” and text him to see what’s up. Can’t hurt, right?
Not so fast, sister.
As a professional dating coach, I usually advise clients not to email or call men to confirm dates.
I know it’s difficult to wait: kind of painful, even. But he asked you out and—although it was up in the air about the details—it was set to do a particular thing on a particular night. That’s a date, right?
Here’s what you do: Wait and see what he does.
Whether a man keeps his word is, of course, extremely important. It’s on your list as a must-have.
You want him to know you’re serious about finding a man whose word you can trust and that you respect yourself and expect him to as well.
Equally as important is letting him take the lead, especially at the beginning.
The gal who emails “just to confirm” sends the signal she’s willing to accept him even if he doesn’t come through with his promises. And you are not that gal.
That gal also says “yes” when he calls on Friday afternoon for a Friday evening date. She’s the woman he plays with, not the one he marries.
Set Your Boundaries, But Also Give Him the Benefit-of-the-Doubt
I’m not saying that if he doesn’t get in touch, you should forget about him.
Something may have come up out of the ordinary that prevented him from coming through. But it’s important to see what he’s going to do without prompting.
Hold tight! This is where you set the pace for all that comes next.
If he’s serious about getting to know you, he’ll eventually call and make a plan. Or he’ll get in touch to apologize about how long it took him to follow up.
If he doesn’t do either, it gives you some valuable insight. Maybe he isn’t serious about dating and relationships?
And by the way, there’s a way to avoid this in the future.
In fact, you can save yourself from a lot of confusion and frustration in dating once you discover a different approach to dating that will make ALL the difference for you.
You see, what I’ve learned in the last 15 years of coaching women about dating and relationships is that 90% of women keep doing, saying, and thinking the SAME things before, during and after a date, and they therefore keep getting the same discouraging results.
It’s why they’re still single after years of dating men. It’s why they aren’t asked out for more dates. It’s why they aren’t having fun or getting past that initial getting-to-know-you phase.
I’ve helped thousands of women find love by teaching them the skills and secrets to attract the right man—including how to stay true to their values while gaining control of their dating life.
But since I can’t possibly work with every woman who needs this kind of help, I’ve partnered with Flourish so I can extend that help and guidance to as many women as possible.
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Love,
