by Randi Gunther
If you’re like most of the single people I counsel in my practice, you’ve spent a lot of time imagining what it will be like when you meet that one person who will fall in love with you and be your life’s partner.
You’ve been waiting and waiting for that day, but so far…nothing.
You’ve been on dozens of dates (or more) that went nowhere.
Either you didn’t feel any spark, or they weren’t interested in you.
Maybe you’ve had a few short-term flings or even a longer-term romance. You’ve gotten your hopes up, only to discover the man wasn’t who you thought he was, or the timing was off, or circumstances got in the way…or any number of reasons why it didn’t work.
It’s so disappointing!
Perhaps you’re even starting to wonder if there are any decent single men left, or whether a real and lasting relationship is EVER going to be a reality for you.
You’re impatient and it’s understandable.
When single patients who are looking for love come to me for help, they feel they’ve already waited long enough to find their partner.
They want answers:
Where do I need to go, and what do I need to do, to find the right person?
How will I know sooner if he’s really the one for me?
What should I do or say to attract him once I meet him?
So when I tell them that we’re actually not going to focus on those things (not yet!), they’re naturally annoyed. And even dismayed.
That’s because before we can get anywhere close to helping you attract your one true love, we need to focus on setting you up for the greatest chances of finding your partner.
And that means taking stock of who you are and what you have to offer.
The Danger Of A Weak Sense Of Self
Getting to know yourself well is actually the most critical step in the dating process.
When you haven’t taken the time to dive deep and assess who you are—taking a personal inventory with all the particulars this entails—you create a very weak foundation for your romantic future.
When you have a weak sense of self, you’re liable to mold yourself to fit someone else’s version of who you should be and what you need in a relationship.
You won’t present an authentic picture of yourself, which means the person you’re dating never knows who you really are—and therefore can never truly love all that you are, warts and all.
When you have not carefully evaluated what you have to bring to the table, you’ll:
- Make poor relationship decisions (“he turned out not to be who I thought”)
- Waste precious time (“the timing was off”)
- End up doing damage control when the “truth” comes out (“circumstances got in the way”)
That’s why getting to know yourself well is a step you simply cannot afford to rush through.
Instead of dating being a shot in the dark, or being at the mercy of what someone else wants, you’ll feel in control—because the only person you truly have any control over is you.
Maximizing Your Best Qualities To Attract Your Best Mate
So how do you develop a stronger sense of yourself, so that you naturally attract partners who are more suited to you?
The first step is taking full inventory of all your qualities.
All of us are an exquisite composite of qualities—some wonderful, and some that could use a bit of improvement.
No one is exempt from this. The goal is not to find the perfect partner or to be the perfect person, but to work on making the most of your best qualities so that the partner you are looking for also recognizes you as THEIR ideal partner.
It’s a little like marketing a product: you want to figure out what makes your product unique, then you want to make sure your customers know what’s unique about it.
There’s even a term for it in advertising: Unique Selling Proposition (USP). When a company figures out a product’s USP, that USP goes into every single aspect of communication about that product. The result: attracting the right customers as efficiently as possible.
That’s why the very first step to successful dating (and by successful I mean the kind of dating that takes you out of the dating game for good and into an extraordinary relationship) is to take a critical look at yourself.
When you look at yourself objectively and separate your fabulousness from your flaws, you can see exactly what qualities you should be highlighting out in the world. That’s how you narrow your target to the right potential partners—the kind of “customers” who value what you have to offer and who will invest in a relationship with you.
This strategy will result in these benefits:
- You’ll meet your perfectly matched partner sooner, because they’ll recognize you as THEIR perfect partner sooner.
- It’ll be easier to connect deeply with that person in a way you haven’t before, because you’ll be a better fit.
- You’ll stop wasting precious time going on dates with people who can never be a good fit.
Avoid The Dating Pitfalls That Result In Too Many Failed Connections
There’s another important reason you need to take a critical look at your personal “package”—once you do attract your ideal partner, you’ll want to make it easy for them to connect with you.
When you fully understand all the parts of yourself—what makes you tick, what makes you angry or sensitive, why you react to things the way you do—you can communicate this to your partner and avoid a lot of the misunderstandings and pitfalls that can break up couples in the early stages of dating.
All these reasons are why the approach that I take in my program, Dating Rehab, is a radically different approach from what you’ll read about in magazine articles or get from asking your girlfriends for advice.
It’s different because it gets to the heart of why, up until now, you haven’t had a lot of success with love.
You’ve been dating ineffectively, meaning, you’ve been focusing on the wrong things. If you’re like many of my single clients, you haven’t taken the time to get to know yourself, your strengths, your attitudes, your preferences, or your deal-breakers.
You’re trying to get to the finish line of love, but you’re woefully ill-equipped. And as a result, you keep stumbling.
My Dating Rehab program will set you back on track. I’ll show you how to get to know yourself, and how to maximize your best traits, so that you stand the best chance of meeting and attracting your perfect partner.
You’ll get exercises, questionnaires, and relatable stories that will make self-discovery easy.
You’ll also learn:
- How to identify your Unique Value Proposition, so you can attract the perfect partner who values you for YOU
- How to get clear on what you really need from a partner (so you can stop wasting time on relationships that will ultimately be unfulfilling)
- How to determine your most important deal-breakers and how to weigh them over any big positives about your partner (so you don’t make the mistake of ending a relationship over something that’s workable)
- A simple but important exercise to discover your relationship assets and liabilities—and how to honestly share exactly who you are and what you need with a partner
- And much more
It’s all here:
Get It NowHelping people finally find love has been one of the most rewarding aspects of my career. And I know I can guide you to not just finding the right partner—but being the kind of partner nobody wants to leave.
xoxo,
Dr. Randi
P.S. Does it seem that the men you’re attracted to, aren’t interested in you? And the men you AREN’T attracted to, are the ones that pursue you?
There’s a very good reason why this happens, and it has to do with the “vibe” you put out when you meet someone that “checks all the boxes,” so to speak. In my program, Dating Rehab, you’ll learn an effective strategy for coming across as confident, relaxed, and wildly attractive, even when you’re so excited and nervous on the inside:
Start Here