by Evan Marc Katz
You have so much going for you, and yet, the men you date can’t seem to appreciate it, because they either don’t ask you out again, or if they do, they are wishy-washy about commitment and marriage.
You may wonder, what is it that men want, if it isn’t what you already have or are giving?
You’re smart, you’re independent, you have a great career and lots of interesting friends.
You’ve traveled to amazing places, sometimes with friends, sometimes by yourself. You’ve accomplished a lot for yourself, by yourself. You can converse on a multitude of topics and you’re witty and smart.
You’re proud of the fact that you are willing and able to take care of yourself, and that also gives you tremendous confidence.
So if men don’t want smart, strong, independent women, what do they want?
What makes a man want to commit or marry?
This is what my coaching clients ask me all the time.
I’ve put a lot of thought into this, and I believe I know the answer.
Granted, I haven’t taken a poll of other men or anything. I think men don’t communicate as well as women do about these things.
But the answer is almost something implicitly understood by men.
And if you identify with being a strong, independent, successful woman, it could just explain why you’ve been in relationships with men who either didn’t know what they wanted, couldn’t commit, or just faded away and disappeared from your life.
What Men Want from You Before They’ll Propose
The reason why men will marry certain women, but not others…
Or, string one woman along—for years, sometimes—and then propose within months to the next woman he falls in love with, is this:
Men want to feel needed.
When they feel wanted, they will want to commit to you or marry you.
Of course, that’s not all men want.
Men also want to be appreciated.
They want to be admired.
They want to be adored and accepted.
But there’s something that a lot of men don’t get, especially from strong, successful, independent women, and that’s the feeling of being needed.
Why?
Because as a strong, independent woman, you don’t actually need a man.
You don’t need a man to provide for you.
You don’t need a man to fix your network settings.
You don’t need a man to help you buy a home, or finance a car, or save for retirement.
You don’t need a man to help you start a business.
You can probably do all of these things either by yourself or with the help of competent professionals.
I get it. You don’t need a man.
THIS. This Is the Conundrum of Modern Relationships
You can be a woman who has her own home, hobbies, friends, career—and you reach a point of independence where a man becomes superfluous.
Sure, there’s a lot of benefits to having a relationship, such as sharing a life with someone, which is a beautiful thing and I think, the highest state of being.
The truth is, having a man in your life today is not like food, shelter or water—you don’t need him for survival.
And yet, men want to be needed.
What else do men have, apart from being needed?
That’s why it’s useful to understand, that when you come from the mindset of “I’ve got this” when you’re dating him or in a relationship with him, he feels useless.
If you communicate (verbally or nonverbally), “I don’t need you,” you inadvertently make yourself invulnerable.
You don’t let him open the door for you because you step in front of him and open it yourself.
You don’t let him pay for dinner when he offers. You insist on getting separate checks, so you don’t “owe” him anything.
You don’t ask him for advice when you have a conundrum at work. You tell him what you plan on doing, thinking he will admire your decisiveness.
You don’t ask him to help you hook up the new device to the TV.
You don’t admit any weaknesses, and you don’t show any weaknesses.
So how can a man, in any way, take care of you, if you don’t have any needs?
A lot of my clients tell me, “I don’t NEED a man. I just want a guy to travel with, or go to dinner and a movie with once in a while.”
And then they wonder why that one guy they happened to fall for decides he isn’t “feeling it” for them.
He’s not “feeling it” because he doesn’t feel needed.
The Surprising “Cure” for Flakey Dates and Non-Committal Boyfriends
Are flakey men and non-committal boyfriends something that you struggle with?
Are you getting tired of going on endless first dates and never getting asked on a second date?
Have you been “strung along” by a man more times than you care to admit in your life?
Were you in a long-term relationship with a man who couldn’t decide if he wanted to marry you or not? (And ultimately decided, “No”?)
If so, I want to help you reposition the ability to make a man FEEL needed, even if you don’t really need him to do something for you, pick up the check, or take care of you in any way.
I’m not suggesting that you dumb yourself down, or pretend to be some helpless person when you’re obviously not.
I’m just suggesting you acknowledge what a man needs, which is to feel like a MAN, not like your girlfriend, your child, or your protégé.
When you know what to do to make a man feel amazing, and feel needed, he’ll want to see you again, get close to you, and fall in love with you—because you’ll be the one woman he knows that he can really be himself with, while also feeling like your man.
It really can be this simple—when you start doing things a lot differently. And it all starts with knowing WHAT to do so you finally get to enjoy the relationship that has eluded you thus far.
It’s why I’ve joined Flourish—a group of well-respected experts who are dedicated to spreading the truth about how to create love, what makes it last, and how to improve EVERY relationship in your life.
When you subscribe to Flourish’s FREE dating and relationships newsletter, you’ll get smart, insightful advice with proven strategies. I’m pretty picky about who I keep company with, and my fellow experts at Flourish are some of the best in the field. You’ll learn about:
- How to end the heartbreak of ghosting, rejection, and go-nowhere relationships by avoiding or reversing the 10 most common dating mistakes
- A powerful process that will allow you to break the old patterns keeping you stuck and single
- The #1 reason behind all relationship failure—and how you can heal yourself AND your relationship at the same time
- How to awaken to your worthiness to love and be loved—and unleash your power to create a relationship that lights you up, inspires you, and brings out the best of who you are
- What to do when you’re still pining over an old flame—including a piece of advice that will finally open up your eyes to why he’s NOT the one for you after all
I want you to take back your power when it comes to relationships.
I want you to have more fun and see the world of single men as a friendly place. All of us here at Flourish come from a place of TRUTH. With truth, you’ll gain peace of mind. Confidence. Understanding of men. Understanding of what kind of man will really make you happy.
Your friend,
