When Dating Today Seems More About Getting Into Bed And Less About Getting To “I Do,” How Do You Find True Love? Here’s The Most Important Rule You Need To Follow:

by Carol Allen

Does dating in the time of Tinder, Bumble, Match.com, swiping, sexting, and too many choices leave you feeling overwhelmed and, frankly, not impressed?

Yup. You’re not “overwhelmed.” You’re “underwhelmed.” The whole thing just feels like a waste of time. What happened to “wooing” anyway? Where are the men who know how to treat a lady like, well, a lady?

You want to meet someone you connect with. You want to believe in true love. You want to believe in romance. You also want believe in ’til-death-do-you-part.

And for those reasons, you probably don’t believe in casual dating (you’re actually probably incapable of it!).

You see, your feelings are anything but casual.

And you’d rather have “the real thing” or nothing.

Besides, it’s too easy for you to get hurt—especially when you’ve met a guy you really like and he isn’t interested in anything beyond the bedroom. (Just agonizing!)

Unfortunately, it seems like dating these days is all about the hook up. Why is that? And what can you do to protect your heart and gauge his REAL intentions, BEFORE you get hurt?

In this article, you’ll get my #1 rule for finding serious love in a casual world…

Why We’re Living In A Weird Time In History—Especially For Finding Love

It’s a weird time to be a single woman. Why?

First of all, we women receive spoken and unspoken messages about the kind of men we should marry. (Especially from nosy relatives on Thanksgiving…)

The message from friends, family, the media, fairy tales, Hollywood movies is loud and clear: as women, we should MARRY UP. We should marry men who are more educated, wealthier, and more successful than we are. Think: Richard Gere and Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. (Listen, I know you’re way more together than a hooker—you know what I mean! ;))

We’re supposed to end up with a man whose status is higher than ours. After all, it’s what mom and grandma did…Otherwise, we risk “settling.”

But here’s the kicker…and why this is a weird time in history.

There just aren’t as many educated men as there are educated women these days. The women’s movement worked pretty well for that, though not for everything (yet! Equal pay, anyone? Uhum…)

According to the Census Bureau, U.S. women now lead men in educational attainment for the first time since the Census began tracking the measure in 1940.

Woo hoo! You don’t need me to tell you—we’re AWESOME.

The downside, though, is that means there are MORE educated women than men than ever in human history. Unfortunately, what that means for you, if you’re single, is that there’s a smaller pool of those desirable, high-status men with good potential (not to mention good looks) out there. The competition for those types of men is FIERCE. As you may have noticed…if you’ve done any online dating or have spent any time in the singles’ scene.

PlentyOfFish? Please! More like, plenty of minnows and bottom feeders. ;)

And so, this competitive atmosphere has had some strange consequences on expectations and outcomes, and they’re not all positive for women.

The Truth About Being Single In The Hook-Up Culture

Because there’s more competition out there for QUALITY men, both men and women have changed their behavior around dating from the way it used to be, say, before the later part of the 20th century.

Now when you meet a guy, there are these unspoken expectations that you’re going to become intimate very quickly. Sometimes even over text, before the first date!

And that can totally be your thing. If it is, you go girl! (They say about 12% of us can “sport screw” but the rest of us get too starry-eyed thanks to all those darn hormones and neurotransmitters that flood our brains when we get “up close and personal” with a guy…)

But if casual hookups, go-nowhere relationships, and spoiled men aren’t your thing, then dating is going to be a bit more challenging. And you’re going to want a better recipe for what you SHOULD look for in a man, and what to do to stand out in a sea of amazing women.

ESPECIALLY if you’re a soulfully sensitive woman.

When you’re soulfully sensitive, you need more than a man who knows how to wine and dine you and then get you into bed. You need more than hot chemistry with a man who has the “potential” to be what you want, but isn’t yet…(and might never be!)

Most of all, you need a man who will ADORE you.

What Women Need (See, It’s Not Just You)

Most single women who are looking for committed, loving relationships need to feel like a man is interested in more than just a hook-up.

The signs aren’t always obvious. Some men are very good at making you swoon with the prospect of romance. They SAY promising things. But their BEHAVIOR tells a different story.

This makes it easy to be led astray, thinking the relationship is “going somewhere” when in fact, it isn’t.

But you can pay close attention to his behavior to tell…

He doesn’t make you a priority in his life. He disappears for days at a time. He’s chronically late, often absent-minded. He doesn’t introduce you to friends and family. He prefers to text instead of calling every time, and may even text late at night when he’s “in the mood.”

Maybe he doesn’t really listen to you—he seems to always be considering his response or wants to push the conversation in the direction he wants, instead of taking an interest in what you have to say. He forgets things you tell him, even important things.

He avoids making plans for the future, even if it’s what you’re going to do together this weekend.

He’s dismissive, distracted, and maybe a little bit self-centered.

In other words…

He doesn’t make you feel loved, honored, worshipped, ADORED.

So, if you start seeing a man but you’re not feeling adored? Forget it!

Don’t even waste another minute of your time with him. He’s out.

Looking for that adoration is important, because the man who adores you is the man who can become something much more than a hook-up.

In order to find the right man and right relationship for you, you need to make his adoration of you a kind of litmus test. Does he make you a priority? Is he proud to call you his girlfriend? Do you feel seen and heard and accepted for the wonderfully passionate, emotional, sensitive woman you are?

The man who adores you is going to be considerate, curious about you, and he’ll want to spend time with you—including wanting to have real conversations with you, not just over text.

Feeling adored is super important, because when you’re adored you feel safe, calm, and clear about your relationship. You know where you stand with him. He accepts you for who you are, so there’s no need to hold back, pretend, or second guess yourself.

When you know you’re adored, the sky’s the limit! You’re free to be exactly who you want to be. Ahhh…

If you meet a man that does all these things for you, congratulations! You may have found yourself a real keeper.

Practical Dating Advice For The Soulfully Sensitive Woman

While dating can be challenging for most single women in today’s hook-up culture, soulfully sensitive women have particular challenges.

This is because for the soulfully sensitive, the chemistry of a romantic connection can feel almost overwhelming—spiritual, other-wordly, blinding you to everything else. You’ll tend to dismiss a lot of red flags early on in dating because of this, including that you’re not being adored.

For the sensitive, dating exhausts. (You invest HOURS of time scrolling or swiping just to meet a guy who just wants a one-night stand or doesn’t “float your boat.” Ugh.)

Words can hurt you more than they should. You keep thinking about all the condescending or critical comments you heard your exes or past dates say to you, and you can’t help but believe some of them.

And if you’re physically sensitive, first dates are landmines of missed opportunities. Booming music, uncomfortable spaces, distracting smells, and loud, crowded restaurants, make it nearly impossible for you to connect or have fun. You don’t feel your best so you can’t BE your best.

You have so much to give a man, but time and time again, dating leaves you weary, disillusioned, or even downright heartbroken.

This is why the majority of women who come to me for help are soulfully sensitive—because they struggle the most! They especially don’t like modern dating rituals, and really can’t just do hook-ups. They often don’t feel adored in their relationships, but they keep trying to make it work. They want to find love, but hate the process of going about it. In other words, they need more support and guidance.

And that’s why I created my video program, Love and The Soulfully Sensitive Woman. For over a decade now I’ve shared this information both in my private practice, and with hundreds of women in my workshops. And it’s been such a relief to the women I work with.

So for years I’ve wanted to put this material into a longer, more comprehensive program and get it out to the masses!

And I’m so happy I did. And if you’ve related to what I’ve shared, you will be, too!

I want to help you celebrate your sensitivity while implementing practical and actionable advice on how to find and attract a man who will adore you, accept you, and want to make you his forever.

In this program, you’ll learn what strategies work for soulfully sensitive women when it comes to flirting, meeting men, and getting to date #2 (and beyond).

You’ll learn how to take care of yourself in a way that will help your wellbeing, so dating won’t be just another thing that overwhelms and stresses you.

You’ll learn why your sensitive nature is a beautiful and positive thing, making you MORE attractive to potential mates, that any man would be lucky to experience, and that the right man for you will absolutely fall in love with.

Forget hiding at home—you’ll revel in your thoughtful, deep, spiritual ways and know just what to look for in the man who can appreciate and embrace them, too.

You’ll also hear my “Mt. Everest” analogy for creating a romantic mission statement and living your best life. It’s how you’re going to get the man in your life to adore you and have the best marriage or love relationship possible—EVEN in this hook-up age.

While it may be a weird time in history to be single, it’s the best time to be a soulfully sensitive woman. There’s more research and more resources than ever about your personality type and how to make the most of it for your life.

I’ve personally dedicated a great deal of time learning and sharing what works and what doesn’t for women like you, and I’m so excited to hear how well it works for you…

Soulfully Yours,

P.S. How do you tell if a man is unavailable? One of the best ways is to use one of your greatest strengths as a soulfully sensitive woman—your intuition! In part 4 of my program, you’ll hear what the red flags are that a man is emotionally unavailable—unwilling or unable to fully commit, even if he says he loves you and even if you have A-MAZING chemistry together.