by Evan Marc Katz
What if you’re with a guy, and you have great chemistry, but there’s just one thing about him that really bothers you?
Maybe he has a lot of debt, and he’s not really working on paying it down, even though he has a job.
Maybe he lost his job a few months ago, and no job offer he has gotten since then is good enough.
Maybe he doesn’t have much interest in sex, although he holds your hand all the time.
Maybe he wants to have sex all the time, but he rarely touches you otherwise.
Maybe he’s a total slob…or he’s a controlling neat freak.
You get my drift. Whatever it is, there’s SOMETHING about this guy you don’t like, and you’re really hoping it will change.
Is This Thing Something You Should Just Learn To Deal With?
I specialize in helping smart, strong, successful women find love.
If you fit this bill, which I’m willing to bet you do, then I can also bet that you’ve done a lot of analyzing and soul searching when a guy you’re with has this one problem.
You’ve wondered if you just need to get over yourself.
You’ve told yourself that “everybody’s got something,” and that nobody’s perfect, so maybe you should just chill out and be more accepting.
You ask yourself—and your friends—if you’re just being unreasonable and expecting this guy to be too much like you.
Then on the other hand, you have days where you think to yourself, “Maybe I should expect more.”
Perhaps you see other couples where the guy isn’t doing that one little thing you don’t like about your guy, and it makes you wonder: “Are you settling?”
Bottom line: should you hold out hope, or cut your losses?
The Immutable Truth About People: They Don’t Change Unless They Want To
That issue your guy has is an important glimpse into his soul.
I’m a believer in change, and a believer in action. And your guy has decided not to change.
No matter how much you want him to change, and no matter how much it would be good for him.
This is true for everyone.
Look around. You’ll see. People making New Year’s Resolutions to slim down, only to lapse back into old comfortable habits. Why? Because they would rather eat things that taste good and watch TV than consume bland salads and use the treadmill for 45 minutes a day.
As a result of this decision, they will never, ever, ever lose weight.
This doesn’t mean that they are bad people or stupid people or weak people. It just means that they’re people. And people do what they want, presuming there’s nothing stopping them from doing so.
Take a man who has dated a woman for three months without committing to her. Is he indecisive? Is he scared? Is he confused? No! He just doesn’t want her as a girlfriend. If he did, he would say, “I want you to be my girlfriend.” It’s no more complex than that. He has no incentive to change, so he doesn’t change. This explains pretty much all behavior.
Your Guy Is Telling You Who He Is. Do You Still Want Him For Life?
Your boyfriend is not going to change. Not for you. Not for him. Not for anyone. This is who he is. You just have to ask yourself how you’d feel if you were married, had two kids, and a mortgage, and he still refused to get a job.
Or stop racking up debt.
Or be more affectionate.
Or help out more around the house.
Or quit being so controlling.
Or whatever it is that is driving you crazy right now.
You have to decide if his good qualities make up for whatever is bothering you.
To parallel this with my own life: my wife spent over 14 years at the same company, and literally spent three weeks going through 5000 songs on my iPod just to choose a wedding song. Meanwhile, I’ve been more open to taking risks and not dwelling on that kind of detail.
Does her deliberate and conservative nature drive me a little nuts at times? Sure. However, I’ve never been more loved and accepted by anyone in the world—and that became more important than a having a partner who was identical to me.
Which brings me back to you.
You need to get really honest with yourself and see if your guy’s positive attributes outweigh the ones that rub you the wrong way. Imagine that those aspects you don’t like will NEVER change, because they probably won’t.
Because here’s another sobering truth: your husband will have to accept ALL of you. He won’t get to pick and choose some qualities and throw away the rest. You want someone who takes you as you are—the whole package—right? Your future husband is no different.
Get used to this idea, and you’re not just on the road to smarter dating, but a healthy, lifelong relationship.
How To Know Whether You Should Cut A Man Loose Or Be More Accepting
I’m guessing you only want to get married once.
We all do.
It’s a lot of pressure, isn’t it? To make sure you get this one major decision right?
It is, but luckily there’s actually a very simple formula for finding out whether the guy you’re with is cut out to be your husband—and whether you’ll be happy with him for many years to come.
I’ll tell you what this formula is in my eBook, Date Without Heartbreak: 10 Incredibly Common Mistakes That Keep Great Women Single.
This book will tell you how to date in a way that puts you on a beeline to your future husband.
You’ll learn how to understand how men think and behave, so you’ll know what behavior is “normal” and you should be more accepting—and you’ll also know when a guy has a red flag you absolutely should not tolerate.
Often, women have been so burned by dating that they’re tempted to become the “interrogator” on dates—bombarding the guy with questions to make sure he’s not going to be a waste of time.
But the reality is that this approach will scare off perfectly good guys who would make great husbands.
Instead, I’ll teach you how to get all the critical information you need to know about a man before it’s too late.
What’s more, you’ll learn why compatibility is a far better long-term predictor than chemistry and how to know if you and a certain guy are truly compatible:
Is He Worth It?Banking on your boyfriend changing is a very poor investment. Far better to invest in yourself—and decide what you are willing to live with.
Your friend,
P.S. “Wait a minute, Evan,” I can hear you say, “We have such amazing chemistry, and he’s so good in so many other ways!”
Chemistry can and will cloud your thinking, which is why I hit this topic early on in my eBook:
Can You Trust Chemistry?