by Evan Marc Katz
Do you have a dark secret?
Is this secret something you can barely admit to yourself, let alone to a guy you’re dating? Is this secret haunting your dreams at night and filling your fantasies during the day? Yes?
Let me guess…
Is your secret that you’re still hung up on or in love with your ex?
If so, you wouldn’t be alone. Many single women harbor this secret.
You may say you “want” to move on and find true love with someone who will be right for you, but deep down, you’re killing your chances at real intimacy and closeness with anyone new.
Why?
Because as long as you continue to cling to the FANTASY that the guy who dumped you will one day change his mind, break up with his current girlfriend, “see the light,” and show up on your doorstep one day begging you to take him back, you’ll NEVER really be open to letting the right man in.
Here’s how that will show up in your love life:
You’ll go on dates with dozens of guys and find fault with every one of them.
You’ll meet a man who’s into you, but you won’t feel chemistry with him.
You’ll become exclusive with a guy who’s amazing, but you’ll unwittingly sabotage the relationship.
You’ll find yourself attracted to every type of unavailable man, from married men to men with a lot of personal problems to men who are still hung up on their ex.
This can go on for months, even years.
I’ve seen women throw away perfectly good boyfriends and future husbands over some misguided idea that no guy can compare to the one guy who dumped them!
That sentence may sound ridiculous, but trust me, if you’re still hung up on that guy who dumped YOU, this is what you’re doing.
You’re also failing to appreciate the most important quality in ANY man.
The Most Important Quality In A Man (Surprise!)
You probably have fond memories of how your ex made you feel.
Maybe he wasn’t the most gorgeous man in the world. Or the smartest or most successful or the most charming. Maybe he wasn’t even all that considerate of you sometimes.
But when he showed up and connected with you, it was heaven.
He made you feel so alive, so wanted, so special.
So yes, I get it. It explains everything. He was like your personal drug. And you still need that hit.
And now, you’re comparing all the guys you meet to this one guy from your past. Some of these current guys may be decent, interesting, and perfectly nice.
Some of them may even be crazy about you.
But you’re sitting there thinking, yeah, but they’re not him.
They’re not as perfect-for-you / charismatic / sexy / confident / intense as your ex. You think the qualities your ex had are unmatchable. There was no one like him and maybe there will never be anyone quite like him.
But let me ask you this:
Don’t you think your future husband should love you unconditionally? I sure do.
If I’m building the perfect man, I’m starting here and working my way backwards:
He loves you unconditionally. He sticks by you, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, 'til death do you part.
That is the most important quality in any man.
Second most important quality? Everything else, including his height, weight, age, income, education, values, and interests. And yes, even his sexy, intangible “something.”
Your ex wasn’t flawless, after all.
His biggest flaw was that he let you get away. He didn’t love you unconditionally. He didn’t have strong enough feelings for you. He failed to stick by you, no matter what.
Therefore, if you’re holding on to this idea that someday your perfect, ideal, wildly compatible ex will wake up and see how wrong he was in dumping you and ask you to be his forever woman, you’re fooling yourself.
He won’t.
I say this with utter confidence because not once in the 15+ years I’ve been coaching women in love and dating have I seen a man reunite with a woman he dumped and treated badly, and go on to live happily ever after. Not once.
So, you can let go of the fantasy, and start to open yourself up emotionally for the one guy who will treat you right and want you in his life, now and always.
I know it may not seem easy, but it’s necessary, especially if you want to change the outcome of your love life.
My Best Real-World Tips For Letting Go Of The Illusion And Becoming Emotionally Available For REAL Love
Where does all of this leave you? You have one of two choices:
- You can keep the status quo. You can continue pining, fantasizing, and hoping. You can keep your dangerous fantasies alive. You can even continue to secretly stay in contact with your ex because you keep needing that hit of feel-good medicine that keeps you hooked. You’ll keep good, available men away indefinitely while you work through all this.
- You can stop making the mistake of pining away for a man who was NEVER the right guy, and become emotionally available to the man who will be your future husband.
or
If you’re ready to move on #2, I can help you.
But first, you need to be willing to open your eyes to the truth of how your choices are keeping you from ever finding that one great guy who will love you unconditionally. You need to acknowledge that maybe holding on to the past isn’t serving you right now, not if what you really want is to find a great guy who will love you the way you want to be loved, not hold onto a fantasy that could never come true.
But I know this isn’t easy, because it can be very challenging to step out of your own reality, unless you have an outside perspective on things.
As a dating and relationship coach with years of experience coaching women just like you, I can offer you that perspective.
It’s also why I’ve joined Flourish—a group of well-respected experts who are dedicated to spreading the truth about how to create love, what makes it last, and how to improve EVERY relationship in your life.
You see, when you subscribe to Flourish’s FREE dating and relationships newsletter, you’ll get smart, insightful advice with proven strategies. You’ll get that “perspective” that will make it easier for you to make informed choices about dating or your relationship.
I’m pretty picky about who I keep company with, and my fellow experts at Flourish are some of the best in the field. You’ll learn about:
- How to end the heartbreak of ghosting, rejection, and go-nowhere relationships by avoiding or reversing the 10 most common dating mistakes
- A powerful process that will allow you to break the old patterns keeping you stuck and single
- The #1 reason behind all relationship failure—and how you can heal yourself AND your relationship at the same time
- How to awaken to your worthiness to love and be loved—and unleash your power to create a relationship that lights you up, inspires you, and brings out the best of who you are
- What to do when you’re still pining over an old flame—including a piece of advice that will finally open up your eyes to why he’s NOT the one for you after all
You’ll have so many “AHA” moments in this program, and will learn so much about WHY you’ve been spinning your wheels in dating, that you’ll wonder how you’ve gone so long without knowing these fundamental truths.
It’s never too late. Today is a new day and it’s time for you to let go of the past that no longer serves you.
Your friend,
