The Heartbreaking Mistake Many Parents Make After a Split

by Christina McGhee

A separation or divorce is one of the most heartbreaking and painful events anyone can face in life.

If you’ve recently gone through one, life is probably feeling kinda sucky right now. All sorts of emotions may be coming to the surface: anger, depression, resentment, hopelessness.

And if you have kids, you can probably add “worried” to the list.

You worry how this is going to change their lives. Is it normal for them to be so sad? And when they’re so upset, you worry whether you’re handling it the right way. When they act out more than usual, throw temper tantrums, or behave disrespectfully should you cut them some slack? You worry when they don’t say anything at all or spend all their time in their room.

What do you do when they shut you out and won’t talk?

When your kids are hurting, YOU’RE hurting.

You ask yourself questions while you lay awake at night…

Did I make the right choice?

Am I ruining my children’s lives?

How will I get through this?

Will life ever feel okay again?

What if the fighting never stops?

Will I lose my kids?

It’s a fact: parenting effectively after divorce can be one of the most confusing and overwhelming things you’ll face in your life.

You don’t want to do anything to make it worse, or to make their lives more stressful or difficult.

You want them to grow up strong, happy, and resilient. You want them to feel a strong sense of family, and that they’re always loved, no matter what.

That’s why when you see them struggling, you feel incredibly guilty. They didn’t ask for any of this, but you feel helpless to change it.

CAN you make it better for them?

The good news is, you most definitely can!

You can make things infinitely better, regardless of how many unavoidable changes exist or how difficult your relationship is with your ex right now.

Because once you know what children NEED in order to gain resilience and to thrive in the face of a separation or divorce, you’ll see just how simple it is to give it to them every single day.

It doesn’t take much. You can make a big difference by making small, simple shifts in what you say to them, how you communicate with your ex, and the attention you dedicate to routine and consistency.

It’s such a relief to most parents when they find out that it doesn’t take much to stabilize life and help children feel secure about how their lives are changing.

Unfortunately, many parents don’t know how simple it is, or even what they need to do.

They’re so caught up in the day-to-day stressors and functioning in “survival mode,” that it’s hard for them to even IMAGINE that an easier way to co-parent is possible.

There are things you can do to make your children’s life MUCH better after a separation or divorce. There are also things you could unintentionally do that could make your kids lives much worse. Which path will you take?

While there are lots of things you can’t change about divorce, how life moves forward in your home is totally within your control.

But in the midst of the emotional turmoil, most parents don’t realize the difference between those two paths.

Instead, they make the heartbreaking mistake of thinking they CAN or SHOULD be able to handle the difficult situations that arise after a break-up or divorce on their own.

While they feel unsure, isolated, and overwhelmed, the guilt and shame traps them into believing they should be able to deal with whatever divorce throws their way…especially when it comes to their kids.

Even though there’s nothing that prepares a person for being a divorced parent, they buy into the idea that a good parent should be able to figure it out.

Perhaps you’re in the same boat.

So you do you’re best to go it alone. Or spend your nights endlessly wading through Google searching for anything that will help you make it better for your kids.

But it’s a mistake to think you can just “wing it” when it comes to this critical moment in you and your children’s lives. Very few parents can. This is a highly emotional time, and it’s fraught with confusion, anxiety, and complexity.

That’s why you need clear guidance and practical advice, and you need it from an expert.

Just like you would in any critical situation: a medical emergency, a plumbing leak, a court appearance.

But the good news is, you’re in the right place. I can help.

Because after decades of experience working with thousands of parents, I have the expertise on what to do to solve just about any co-parenting question, challenge, or concern. And it all starts here…

The Solutions To Your Most Pressing Co-Parenting Challenges…In Simple, Practical Steps

I know firsthand about the many challenges that parents face after a separation or divorce, and how daunting it can all feel.

Not only have I coached and spoken to thousands of parents over 20+ years, and taught more classes than I can count on co-parenting through and after a divorce…

I’ve also stood in your kids’ shoes. I’m a child of a difficult divorce myself.

In addition, I met and married the love of my life, and not only said “I do” to him, but I also said “I do” to his two kids.

I learned a lot of what NOT to do from my parents, and I learned a lot about what TO DO from my bonus kids.

I have lived in the trenches, and I can tell you that things can get better.

You just need to know the small, simple shifts to make it easier—for yourself and YOUR kids.

Fortunately, I have that covered for you. I’ve spent the last two decades of my career helping parents JUST LIKE YOU navigate some of the most pressing and common challenges of co-parenting.

But I can’t possibly help every single parent on a one-on-one basis who needs my guidance. That’s why I’ve partnered with Flourish, so I can extend that help and guidance to as many parents as possible.

Your children deserve nothing but the best you have to offer, and I want to help you discover the way to give that to them.

When you subscribe to our FREE Advice Newsletter, you get access to articles about your most pressing parenting issues, from an accomplished community of carefully-selected parenting experts. You also get articles on dating, improving your relationships, self-love, happiness and wellbeing.

With your free subscription, you’ll also learn:

• How what you think is “fair” often isn’t what’s best for your kids. Find out what the most important key is for your children’s emotional wellbeing after a separation or divorce, and how to make sure they have it.
• How to avoid damaging your child’s sense of worth and self-esteem when you’re angry at your ex.
• How your kids perceive themselves and their parents after a separation or divorce, and how you can ensure that they feel loved and supported, no matter how bad your break-up was or how much of a difficult person your ex is.

Simply enter your name and email address in the box, and you’ll get all this plus much, much more.

It’s free, it’s easy, and you’ll love the tips, advice and guidance you’ll receive from me on how to help your children feel secure, resilient and happy during this challenging time for your family.

You want to do what’s best for your kids, because they are the most important thing in your life. My tips are practical and are designed to help you get on with the business of being a loving and strong presence in your children’s life, no matter how many ups and downs you experience post-split with your ex.

Wishing you and your children the very best,