by Pat Love
Do you crave more romance in your relationship? Have things gotten too “comfortable”?
You want more passion and excitement. You want to feel more loved and adored by your partner, but lately, his or her attention seems to be elsewhere. For example:
You want him to spend time with you, to talk and share about his day, but instead he’s off cleaning the garage or fixing things around the house while you watch TV alone.
You wish she would be more physically affectionate with you. It seems like it’s been years since she did something as simple as taking your hand while sitting on the couch together, or kissing you passionately out of the blue.
He hasn’t told you he loves you in a long time, and he never brings home flowers or cards the way he used to when you were dating. He just works, works, works.
Why isn’t your partner being more loving and attentive? Has your partner fallen out of love with you? Or have you both gotten too busy/complacent/comfortable?
You want to connect emotionally with your partner, but you’re not sure how.
In this article, you’ll learn how to get the romance back, spark passion in your relationship, and revitalize your love, even if you’ve been feeling distant from your partner for months.
And the following tip may seem obvious. But many people can’t see that.
A Tip People Have Paid Me For That I’m About To Give You For Free
For years, clients have come to me wanting the answer to this question: “Pat, how can I get what I need from my partner?”
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this question posed in one way or another.
So, here’s a simple tip that people have paid me for, that I am giving you here completely free. Ready?
It doesn’t hurt to ask.
Seems obvious, doesn’t it? Either ask your partner to do something for you that would make you feel loved. Or ask them what would feel romantic to them or would make them feel loved.
People are usually surprised by my answer. It’s too easy, they say. Or they reply, “Yeah,but if I have to ask, it doesn’t count!”
Why doesn’t it count? Your partner can’t read your mind.
Expecting your partner to anticipate your needs or read your mind is a relic from infancy. Those days are over. You’re an adult now, and you have to have the courage to ask for what you want.
It may not be easy at first if you’re not used to asking for what you need, but you’ll have to manage the emotions that come up (like resistance or resentment) and just do it.
Ask them to give you what you need. And then ask them what they need in order to feel loved.
Maybe you’re not sure HOW to ask, or what you should say. Maybe you’re not sure what it is you want, exactly, except that you know that your partner isn’t giving it to you.
Not Sure What You Need? Here’s an Example of What You Might Ask For That Will Create a Magic Moment
A lot of times, when we’re with someone in a relationship for a long time, we may expect that they should know us. That’s probably why we don’t ask for what we want, or we don’t think to ask about what they want, either.
We assume they should read our minds, and when they don’t, we feel resentful or angry.
If we can just get past the idea that our partner should anticipate our needs like a parent must anticipate a child’s needs, we can actually create magic in our relationship.
Let’s say that you really miss your partner’s physical touch and affection. They’ve been distracted or busy and they don’t sit on the couch with you in the evening anymore, snuggling or holding your hand. And it makes you sad.
So sad, in fact, that you start to look for ways in which your partner isn’t meeting your needs elsewhere. You realize they don’t call you in the middle of the day to check in anymore. They’ve stopped kissing you before turning in for the night. They don’t ask how your day has been nearly as regularly as they did when you were first together.
And your start to wonder if they even love you anymore!
So now, you’re distraught about the state of your connection. Can you tolerate this tension and silence much longer? What will happen if things don’t improve?
You begin to silently judge your partner’s behavior through the lens of “our relationship is in trouble”. You stop opening up to them. Your “tone” gets more critical.
This only creates more of what you FEAR, which is a disconnect from your partner.
That’s why it’s important to find a way to break the downward spiral by simply asking for what you need.
It doesn’t need to be dramatic or involve a lot of “talking about it”. It can just look like this:
“Honey, I would love it if you sat next to me so we could hold hands or snuggle.”
Just like that.
More than likely, your partner will happily come and sit next to you. They may not have even realized that it’s something you missed or needed. They may actually need it, too.
But you won’t know unless you ask.
More Tips To Feel More LovedMaster The Skills That Will Help Keep Your Relationship Passionately Connected For Life
As a marriage and family therapist, I spent many years evaluating research on what works to keep marriages and relationships strong and loving, so I could develop simple skills and tools I could demonstrate to my clients.
I would ONLY use the findings that matched my clinical experience with thousands of couples. In other words, I had to see proof that these theories actually worked to make relationships more connected.
Over decades, everything I’ve learned and applied about how to create a happy marriage can be summed up by this:
Nothing changes unless something changes.
If you want your relationship to feel more connected, and you want to feel supported and adored, you have to change something. You can’t just complain about it to yourself, or say that, “If I have to ask for what I need, it doesn’t count!”
You must change something, and preferably it should be something that can make a big difference.
The good news is, you can be the one making the change, and your entire relationship can shift toward the positive over time. If both of you are on-board, then your results can skyrocket.
So what changes should you make?
That’s where my video program, Wake Up In A New Marriage, can really help you. In this 8-hour video program, you’ll learn the 5 critical skills that help you reconnect and stay connected to your partner, so you can solve any problem and grow to love each other more than ever.
You’ll get tips and tools on how to become more tuned-in to your partner. Your partner won’t be able to help notice there’s something new and exciting happening in your relationship, and will likely respond with more closeness, more affection, and greater openness.
The skills and tools you’ll get in Wake Up In A New Marriage are simple, practical, and take almost no time at all. For example, you’ll learn:
- A communication strategy, demonstrated in real time, that’s designed to reflect and understand a point of view to the satisfaction of both you and your partner
- A simple, 2-second exercise you can do upon waking that increases your connection with your partner and sets you up to be more loving during the day
- How to avoid the sentence that shuts down communication (and what to say instead)
- A simple touching technique that gets a man’s attention and increases his oxytocin
- And so much more! It’s 8 hours of video content
You can start watching Wake Up In A New Marriage risk-free today, and start applying these simple tips as soon as possible in your relationship:
Everything you’ll learn is designed to help your ordinary, ho-hum, comfortable relationship go from ordinary to EXTRAORDINARY. I am sure that once you go through the program and try out the tools, you’ll agree.
May you have an extraordinary day,
