The Vicious Cycle That Causes A Man To Close Down Emotionally And A Woman To Close Down Sexually

by Felice Dunas

Are you feeling a loss of connection and intimacy in your relationship?

Maybe you often find yourself thinking:

All he wants to do is get it on, but I’m tired and not feeling sexy.

She hardly ever initiates.

He’s more interested in getting physical than really connecting on an emotional level.

He never wants to have sex with me.

He won’t open up or talk to me. And he’s a terrible listener!

You’d like to feel closer to your mate, but it’s not so easy to feel amorous when life is throwing you curveballs.

Maybe as a woman, you have a lot on your plate with your career responsibilities or children right now. You’re busy keeping up with their demands and sometimes it seems you’re doing it all for everyone. Sex is just one more demand on your day.

Maybe as a man, you’ve been under stress at work and you’re doing a lot to make sure your family is provided for and safe. Sometimes you need some comfort and affection from your partner, but she often seems tense and unapproachable.

What was once an easy, flowing, loving connection becomes a source of discord and resentment for both partners. The needs that were once opportunities to gift your partner now feel like burdens.

What is at the root of this trouble?

From my professional experience, what is usually at the core of this unhappiness is an imbalance in the connection between the man and the woman.

This imbalance can lead to some subconscious behaviors. It can lead to resentment and misunderstandings.

It can lead to one of the most vicious cycles that can threaten your love and wellbeing.

The Unconscious Behavior Behind A Vicious Cycle—And Why It Leaves Couples Frustrated

The subconscious behavior that results from an imbalance in the life force or energy in men and women can spell doom if it’s not recognized and reversed.

It can cause a vicious cycle.

This cycle goes like this. See if you recognize it:

A woman is non-stop stressed with the demands of career and family. On the rare moments she has some time to relax, she doesn’t want to make love with her partner because it just feels like another chore.

The man has been focused on his professional responsibilities and hasn’t realized his partner is overworked and tired. He wants to unwind and connect with her physically, but she has been pushing him away. He doesn’t get where that’s coming from, so he gets frustrated and closed off.

The woman senses her man’s frustration and hostility and feels less safe to open up and be physically affectionate with him.

She tries to talk to him about her emotional needs, but he’s not listening.

He’s not listening because he’s blocked off from his feelings because he’s resentful of her withdrawing physical affection. He wants to feel close and he needs that physical intensity in order to open up emotionally. Since he’s not getting that, he withdraws into his hobbies, his work or his friends.

She sees that he’s withdrawn and isn’t sure what to do. Should she settle for this “new normal?” Try harder to get him to open up or listen? The only other option, in her mind, is to leave the relationship.

And so it deteriorates further… This cycle continues into a downward spiral until neither partner is getting what he or she needs and the relationship keeps drifting further and further apart.

And by the way, this vicious cycle can work the other way, too…

A woman may want sex but her partner doesn’t initiate or refuses, so she starts to resent him because she feels abandoned and rejected. In this situation, the more the man withdraws the more the woman starts to become controlling and even “bitchy,” which just perpetuates the man’s passive behavior.

This vicious cycle is just as destructive. And both of these dynamics happen because of a dysfunction of masculine and feminine energy, as I’m about to explain next.

A Dysfunction Of The Masculine (Yang) And Feminine (Yin)

I’m going to explain why this cycle happens and what you can do to break it.

Let me start by saying that as a Chinese medicine practitioner and sex educator, I hear clients complain of this cycle a lot. To treat it, I’ve often utilized one of the most fundamental essential philosophies behind Chinese medicine.

This philosophy is called Yin Yang, and it is one of the oldest cosmologies in all of human thinking.

People have been using this understanding of life for over 5,000 years.

Yin Yang works with the premise that all of life stems from a point of perfect balance. On either side of that balance you have the left and the right, the wet and the dry, the night and the day, the female and the male, the negative and the positive.

According to this philosophy, everything that you can think of can be placed somewhere on the yin or yang aspect of the line.

Yin is the feminine aspect, and it is primarily the capacity to be receptive.

Yang is the masculine aspect of energy and it is the capacity to be creative.

When our yin or yang is out of balance, we become unhealthy. Our wellbeing suffers. Our relationships suffer.

And that’s when you enter the vicious cycle described above!

Women get unhealthy when their yin is deficient and they can’t be receptive.

Men become unhealthy when their yang is deficient and they are blocked from contribution and creativity.

When a woman is spending most of her vitality and time in YANG mode, giving to others and feeling stressed and overwhelmed, she is going to end up sick, weak, unhappy and, eventually, unreceptive to receiving (sex). She will become controlling and overbearing and she will feel as if she’s “losing herself” in the relationship.

When a man attempts to give (a YANG trait) and his offering is not received or criticized or rejected, he has more difficulty connecting to his emotional side (YIN).

He will then behave in a childlike way (women often call their husbands the “other” child). Instead of being in his masculine energy, he allows his own creativity, beliefs and sex drive to take a backseat to what his woman wants.

He’ll “wimp out” and become silent, avoiding his partner’s demands for emotional connection.

What you end up with is a man who is unable to “open up” and share his feelings, and a woman who is too exhausted and “in her head” to be able to receive a man’s physical affections.

The man withdraws emotionally and the woman withdraws sexually, and NEITHER partner is getting what they want or need.

There is a way out of this vicious cycle…

In my program, Passion Play, I’ll teach you to balance your yin and yang energy through your sexuality, your diet, lifestyle and the way you relate to your partner.

How To Get What You Want (And You Both Get What You Need)

If you’re a woman and you’re complaining that you can’t feel close to your partner because he won’t listen or open up emotionally, but you’re not willing to meet him with what HE needs, then you’re likely to feel stuck for a while.

What does he need? He needs to connect with you sexually before he can open up emotionally, listen to you and share his feelings.

When you deny a man what he needs, or hold sex “hostage” until you can get what you need, you’re hoping that he will suddenly “see the light” and be the man you want him to be.

If you’re a man and you’re complaining that you can’t get your partner to initiate or want to have sex with you, but you’re unwilling to meet her with what SHE needs, then you may have to settle for a crappy sex life.

What does she need? She needs you to be proactive and pay attention to when she’s stressed, overworked, or emotionally vulnerable. She needs to be SEEN and HEARD and she wants you to talk to her and let her know you’re there for her. This is an evolutionary, instinctive need women have, not just your partner’s individual preference.

When you deny this emotional connection as a man, your advances come across as selfish demands, and she’s turned off.

Fortunately, there’s a way out of this vicious cycle and way to re-connect with your partner and get what you BOTH need.

When you get my Passion Play program, I’ll not only teach you the fundamental principles of yin and yang, but also the strategies to balance these energies within yourself so that you can enjoy greater health, vitality and a more satisfying and happy relationship.

In Chapter 3 of Passion Play, I’ll show you why your libido fluctuates based on the activities that are feeding or depleting your yin/yang energy.

You’ll discover how yin/yang affects who you’re attracted to, what turns you on and why. You’ll learn why certain organs in your body affect your energy, stamina and emotions and how you can alter your diet and lifestyle to maximize the health of those specific organs.

And on page 70 of the eBook, you’ll get specific exercises to perform that help you:

• enhance sensitivity to sexual stimulation
• reduce tension throughout the body
• increase blood circulation in the pelvic area
• improve the functioning of muscles involved in sexual activity
• build sexual stamina
• increase control of body and mind by enabling one to direct and
• manipulate sexual energy

By balancing your yin/yang energy through your activities, through skillful and correctly performed sex, and through food and lifestyle, you’ll find it much easier to appreciate your partner’s contribution to your relationship and give him or her what they need, and in turn, get what you need.

You can avoid the vicious cycle and save your relationship and health.

Get Passion Play now risk-free and be reading and listening in minutes:

Learning to live within your foundational strengths as a man or a woman will allow for greater physical health, deeper intimacy and a more pleasant relationship.

It all starts with learning how.

Warmly,

P.S. There’s a way to have sex that complements your yin and yang energy. Find out how to do fantastic foreplay, inspired intercourse and use physical pleasure to get closer to your lover.