“I’m Surrounded By Negativity And It’s Killing Me. Help!”

by Marci Shimoff

You know the feeling. You’re going about your day and then it happens.

You have “that” interaction. The one you dread because you know it’s going to be negative, combative, full of animosity. Or simply just an unpleasant experience.

The grouch in the cubicle next to you.

The store clerk who can’t be bothered to even say “you’re welcome.”

The phone call from your sister that lasts for an hour and consists of nothing but complaints about her life.

Your cranky spouse at the end of a long day - completely shifting the mood of the entire household.

And therein lies the rub: that negativity affects YOU.

Even if you’re in a great mood, having a wonderful day… Those seemingly minor interactions sneak in and fester. Until your day is shot and you may as well head to bed to try tomorrow.

I’ve been teaching about happiness for decades, and THIS is the biggest problem people bring to me.

“What do I do about all these negative people in my life?!”

How We Deal With Negativity Often Creates Even More Of It

What I’ve found is that the way we try to cope with negative people doesn’t do any good, and it can often backfire.

Usually, people try to deal in one of two ways—and sometimes both:

Option #1: Ignore it!

You go about your business pretending he didn’t just complain about needing to go to the grocery store. You change the subject when your mother goes on another rant. You get your child a gift hoping to snap her out of her mood.

You purposefully and pointedly ignore the behavior (and you get bonus points if you tell them this while you’re doing it.)

The problem comes in when you do this and still want the person to change. Not only do they have no reason to, but they’ll figure out what you’re up to and it can fuel it even more. Making your cranky great-uncle Albert even worse.

Option #2: Talk it out!

The other tactic people tend to use is to sit the offending person down for a good ol’ talk. After all, shouldn’t we communicate what we’re looking for out of relationships?

Maybe they don’t realize they’re such a drain and you can talk some sense into them. They’ll wake up and see what their attitude is really doing… right?

Nope. Nobody—and that includes you—appreciates a lecture. Instead, the person will likely dig their heels in even more.

So now you’re frustrated and probably a little grouchy yourself. You might try to make light of it, yell and argue, or any number of other things if it will just make it stop!

What are you supposed to do now? Do you just put up with it and hope that it gets better on its own? Do you keep having the same conversation and argument over and over again? Do you leave the room when your spouse comes home just in case they’re “in a mood”?

None of the above! Because there’s one thing I know that works every single time:

When You Get Happier, The Negative People Around You Don’t Affect You As Much

It’s true.

This works because you’re taking the focus off the people around you - the negative ones that have the power to change the direction of your day - and you’re putting it back where it belongs: on regulating your own happiness.

Because here’s the thing: when you’re focused on YOU and how YOU feel… their attitudes just stop mattering. When you commit yourself to being happy - truly happy and in a mood that shows it - the negativity washes over you withOUT soaking you in a grouchy mood.

What ends up happening is that you end up “ignoring” the behavior but not in the same way that you typically do. It’s not manipulative or aggressive. It’s just… a non-issue for you.

You’ve made the conscious choice to act differently.

Which leads to a little bit of magic…

“I Changed, And My Family Changed”: Emotions Are Contagious

My seminar participants have told me over and over that when they’ve changed, they’ve noticed incredible transformations in everyone else, especially those they live with.

Yes, even the curmudgeon grandpa starts to soften. The stubborn daughter asks if she can help with dinner. The bitter neighbor offers to take out your trash while you’re away.

And what’s really magical about this is there’s no additional effort on your part!

You’re not having long, drawn-out conversations. You’re not attending therapy sessions. You’re not yelling or bribing or doing anything other than focusing on how YOU feel.

Think of it this way:

You’re having an issue with your TV provider. They’re overcharging you for something or other and you’ve been going around in circles with their billing department for months. This month’s bill comes and blammo - there’s the wrong charge AGAIN.

You pick up the phone and dial their number. And you’re at the end of your rope. You give the rep on the other end of the phone an attitude that would make a teenage girl weep with pride.

What happens to that entire interaction now? It’s combative. It’s tense. It’s negative. The representative might not give you an attitude back, but they’re certainly less inclined to help you than they might otherwise.

Now, let’s pretend you’re in the same situation, but instead of approaching it with an attitude, you take a moment to compose yourself and remember your happiness before you dial.

Do you think that interaction would go differently?

The same holds true for every interaction and relationship in your life.

It’s incredibly difficult for negativity to thrive when it’s not fed.

So how do you do it?

How Do You Get So Happy That The People Around You Can’t Help But Respond To It?

First, recognize that it’s not going to happen overnight. It starts one day at a time.

And it’s with that principle that I’ve created the 30-Days to a Happier Life program.

This program is designed to show you how to improve your OWN happiness, one day at a time. And the best part? Nobody has to know that you’re doing it.

In this program, I’ll send you a new video every day with a strategy, insight, technique or little activity that has the sole purpose of helping YOU improve your happiness.

These are not long assignments that require you to journal your feelings (although you’re more than welcome to!)

But they’re things that you can put into practice immediately, that very day.

And they’re designed to build on one another to create exponential results - even if you don’t have a perfect life or perfect people around you.

Because frankly, the happiest people in the world deal with the same negativity you do. The difference is… they’ve got the tools they need to manage that negativity and find happiness anyway.

It’s the best kind of experiment, and I hope you’ll do it with me. As each day goes on, it’s amazing—and sometimes amusing—to watch the changes in those around you.

Do this program in as little as 10 minutes a day (sometimes less, sometimes more) and in 30 days you’ll notice a huge difference in your outlook, your mood, and your well-being.

You’ll wake up each day happier, more expanded, with a lighter heart and a sense of ease about life.

Difficult and negative people will stop being a source of irritation for you, because you’ll be much less affected by their low energetic vibrations.

You’ll have more energy to do the things you want to do. You’ll have a spring in your step. And don’t be surprised if you find yourself dancing around the house or singing in your car!

You can start the program right now, risk-free, and see for yourself if you notice that you feel lighter, happier, more positive about your life in as little as a few days:

With love and happiness,