The 7 Qualities You Need to Find Love Online

by Bobbi Palmer

Every day, thousands of people find lasting love online.

Imagine right now if that was you.

Today, you’re sitting there with perhaps a string of dating disappointments in your wake. And then the next thing you know, you’ve found HIM.

And all those awkward moments online, all that angst over an empty inbox, all that rejection you had to endure is suddenly a thing of the past. You’ve found HIM, and

that thing that you so badly wanted—to meet the man to share the rest of your life—has HAPPENED.

And you’ll never be the same.

Wonderful, right?

As I said, it happens all the time. But let me be frank with you: thousands of other daters NEVER meet their special person.

Why?

Is it luck of the draw? How old you are or how attractive you are? Or something else entirely?

The Real Reason Some Find Love Online While Others Don’t

Online dating has literally been my business for decades.

After dating online and being miserable for years I finally decided I wanted to be like those other people who figured it out. I learned everything I could about how to date effectively online, and I wholeheartedly committed to giving it my best shot. I did exactly what you’re doing now—reading and studying everything I could.

Within months, I met the love of my life.

What had changed? Why was I suddenly successful, whereas before I had struggled so much?

Simply, I showed up to online dating VERY differently. In essence, I began to embody 7 characteristics that translate into connecting with the RIGHT man.

Does 7 seem like too much? Impossible, even? Not when you find out what they are…

The 7 Qualities You Need to Triumph Online (and Become Your Own Success Story)

I was pretty successful in my career before I found love, and this was both a source of comfort and distress. On the surface, I said I didn’t “need” a man, but secretly, I badly wanted one! I wanted to love and be loved.

I was so successful in my career and couldn’t understand why I was so unsuccessful at dating, especially using online dating.

Then I realized that many business skills worked against me when it came to trying to connect with men. But there were 7 specific skills and qualities that I was great at in business that just had to be adapted to help me ace online dating.

The same is true for the countless women I’ve coached. I’ve seen, time and again, that MOST of us already possess these 7 qualities. We just need to apply them to online dating:

1. The willingness to learn: If you haven’t found love online, then you probably don’t know everything, right? Women who find their perfect guy online are open to having a “beginner’s mind,” willing to try new things and take on new perspectives.
2. The willingness to unlearn: A big part of succeeding online is undoing what’s not working! Women who are ready to question their existing assumptions (about dating and men) wind up feeling calmer and finding happy surprises.
3. They’re kind to men: If you have a chip on your shoulder about guys, no great profile or thing you wear on the date will matter. Sure, you’ve been hurt before, but you’re not going to make another man pay for someone else’s actions. You give the benefit of the doubt and treat all the new men you meet the way you want to be treated.
4. They’re kind to themselves: Men love women who love themselves. But that’s not the only reason to be kind to yourself. If you’re willing to forgive your foibles and missteps, you’ll keep your spirits and self-esteem high through the dating process. That’ll make you more attractive and help you enjoy it a whole lot more.
5. They have realistic expectations: If you’re prone to falling in love with a profile or over-fantasizing about your dates even before you meet, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Better to let a man delight you over time—and anticipate that he’s not going to get it perfectly right all the time.
6. They’re optimistic: You can be optimistic without falling prey to fantasy. How? By trusting the process, believing in yourself, and knowing that there are many men who are looking for a woman just like you.
7. They’re courageous. It takes guts to get out there, and to keep going when you’re “knocked down.” But that’s the secret sauce when it comes to online dating. The women who find love aren’t daunted by rejection. In fact, they know it’s not even possible to be “rejected” by someone who barely knows you.

Seems like a tall order? Only if you’re not ready for a grownup love story.

Think about it. You most likely already possess all these qualities in OTHER areas of your life. You’ve cared for children or aging parents. You’ve dealt with financial or health setbacks and had to be courageous. You’re kind to the people in your life.

You’ve learned how to be good at something—whether you’re self-taught or have an advanced degree. In order to do that, you had to be open to learning AND unlearning.

You’ve had to develop realistic expectations in other areas of your life, like healing from an injury or illness, or changing careers in mid-life.

Online dating is no different. Because if you’re serious about finding love, then you’ll know that sharing your life with a partner requires all seven of these characteristics.

Perhaps the reason you’re NOT applying these characteristics to the love arena is because you are starting with certain FALSE ASSUMPTIONS about online dating, or dating in general at this age.

Or, you may lack confidence in your ability to find a good man that you’re interested in, for whatever reason.

Or, you’ve been hurt or rejected so much in the past that you’re already coming at online dating from a negative place and low confidence. (You don’t think you are, but you may be!)

Whatever the case, you should feel far from hopeless. I’ve helped thousands of women find the right way for them to use online dating—meaning, reaching in and finding all of those positive, grownup qualities they already have, and applying them when dating online.

And I can help you, too.

As a dating coach, I’ve helped thousands of women in the last 10 years find love online by teaching them the skills and secrets of using technology to attract the right man—including how to stay true to their values while gaining control of their dating life.

I’ve also showed women how to communicate with men online that gets more responses and takes things to the next level (like a meeting over coffee/tea) without feeling like they’re chasing or making all the moves.

But since I can’t possibly work with every woman over 40 who needs this kind of help, I’ve partnered with Flourish so I can extend that help and guidance to as many women as possible.

When you subscribe to our FREE Relationship Advice Newsletter, you get access to more articles like these, from an accomplished community of carefully selected experts (like me!).

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• The 6 truths about men and online dating that most women don’t know, don’t believe, or don’t understand, and how these truths can transform your expectations about dating online.
• How to handle a situation where a man you’ve written doesn’t respond, responds but doesn’t initiate a meeting, or starts messaging you but then disappears—so that you don’t lose your sanity or confidence.
• The one word mantra that can help you deal with men who don’t write back, act weird, or say inappropriate things, so you can feel confident and not waste your time on jerks.
• The 3 principles of online dating that will help you stay motivated and inspired, no matter what bad experiences you’ve had with online dating and how hopeless you feel now.
• The 1 pitfall women commonly fall into with online dating because they don’t understand the psychology of mature, relationship-minded men…and how to avoid it.

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The advice contained in these articles will help you feel more empowered and confident about getting online. You’ll feel magnetic, in control, and in charge of your grownup love life!

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Love,